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MYTHS (meter shop)
There dwell within the mists of times long past
the roots of tales and myths we pass along
which help to tell us what is right and wrong
and perhaps how our future lives are cast
an attempt at iambic pentameter*
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
parsing is my bane
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
wesley snow
Mon, 2013-09-16 23:24
Only the last line is a problem.
"Perhaps" is accented on the second syllable. You are accenting the first. Read it aloud and force the iambic meter and you will find that "PERhaps" doesn't work. It will sound strange. If you begin the line with "perhaps" it will work.
"Perhaps / it's how / our fu- / ture lives / are cast."
Otherwise, all Iamb all the time.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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BettyBuff
Tue, 2013-09-17 10:35
Just spotted the 'perhaps'
You beat me to it Wesley!
<why do you always make me feel competitive?>
Ells :)
scribbler
Tue, 2013-09-17 12:47
Hi ya'll
I'm making it a point to not use dictionary to assure that accents are correct. PERHAPS (lol) I should have this time. I'll let this stay as is for a bit so others can learn from my mistake.............stan