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My Poem [Sixteen]

I’m only sixteen.
I know only a piece of the puzzle
Yet the shapes of every edge.
Isn’t that the most frightening tragedy?

I spend my days chasing fantasy
that I create to keep fear at bay.
The cracks in my pavement
are widening and splitting.

I spend the days trying to forget,
trying to live in the clouds
Just so I won’t have to face the sunlight.
The clouds pass. I can’t hide.

I run into future days- thinking only the worst.
My youth shields me today,
But someday the shade will fall away
I won’t be able to run, but I’m only sixteen.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

it shows the maturity
you are beginning to obtain. I get it.
When we are sixteen, we have most of the pieces
and know the shapes, but not how to put them all together.
It's tough! But at least you know where you are.

You should use the plural of fantasy [fantasies]
in the first line of the second stanza.

Try [I'm spending] the days [1st line, third stanza]

but the clouds pass, [and] I can't hide

[And I won't be able to run,] delete the [but].

Keep writing, you are doing well, I like your ideas. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thank you for the feedback!

"To fly is to fall."

author comment

I've found that deleting most of the "ands and buts" is a good rule of thumb. one way to see if they are necessary or not is to read the piece without them. I usually find the poem reads better without them. by the way, I do like your poem...it took me back in time ;)

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

love this one #relatable nice job

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