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Mind, Heart, Body and Soul
In the fields of my mind
Odd clouds gather
Mists of uncertainties
Senseless insanities
In the sanctum of my heart
Dark storms growl
Blizzards of bitterness
Senseless unhappiness
About the petals of my body
Thorny vines grow
Deep wounds anew
Senseless unhealed scars
I dread for my soul
Inward uneasiness
The darkness awaken
At this sunrise
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I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
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Comments
Candlewitch
Tue, 2012-01-31 15:29
Hello Golly,
WOW! you really know how to paint landscapes with your artful words. That is to say that your imagery is very descriptive. I really like this piece. My favorite lines(which were hard to choose) are:
In the fields of my mind
Odd clouds gather
Mists of uncertainties
Senseless insanities
the only word I would change is Unsweetness. Maybe bitterness would do instead?
a great read.
always, Cat
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WonderGolly
Wed, 2012-02-01 13:11
thank you Candlewitch
thank you Candlewitch for coming around again. I feel relieved that you have identified with the imagery. must admit that after I finished writing this, I was afraid readers might not find the landscaping idle.
thank you again for pointing out "Unsweetness". I forced the prefix "Un" to "Sweetness" to rhyme with the previous line. Guess the word rhymes right (lame poetic discretion. lolz) but grammatically incorrect. But I have replaced it with "unhappiness".
respects
WonderGolly :)
"Time is all that we have. Yet Time won't give us more Time."
respects.
WonderGolly
What I love most about POETS is how they write SADNESS with SUNSHINE on their face, caption RAIN with FALLEN EMBERS and paint TEARS using the colours of WATERFALLS:lol
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