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MAMMY
Black tarmac road, winter night, the full moon follows me.
Mammy, look, look at the moon Mammy, do you see?
My arm tucked into hers, defended from invading sibling,
On her other side, a baby brother, twelve months beyond a yearling.
The marathon walk to the church, we sit in refrigeration
Packed together inside to wait, with a shivering congregation.
On her knees, praying, with words I didn’t understand.
But all through the service, I’d hold her arm with my demanding hand.
Mammy’s lips her words moving but she never spoke the prayers aloud.
Spiritually in her faith did she speak to God above the crowd?
As if she knew what I was thinking, she lowered her face to meet my eye.
Say your prayers and don’t be cheating, God is watching from on high.
My head is lowered, hands together, mumbling words I had not grasped,
It’s a comfort to relive that scene, she’s in my heart, hands together clasped.
Mammy look to the moon, please see me, and tell me where you are?
If I could hold you in moon light, we wouldn’t seem so far.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
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What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
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Region & Country
United Kingdom
Favorite Poets
I like Margaret Atwoods poetry and I enjoy her writing. She has a natural ability to make her fiction read like poetry, if you read closely you will see it., I have a good understanding of the English language but I don't always follow the rules as I can be a little lazy and sometimes I'm just tired., I've been inspired reading the poetry on Neopoet and have enjoyed analysing other people's work.
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2023-05-22 11:06
Neopoet AI
Watch this space! Our AI is thinking of a response. This typically takes up to 10 minutes.
Geezer
Tue, 2023-05-23 00:11
I don't see...
anything that I would change. Your title expresses a child's name for mother and I am always intrigued by the names that children call their mothers. Your language use is good, not overly dramatic and easy to read; nothing to have to figure out.
I feel the rhyme is good and the pace is even. The theme is one that is easily relatable, and it flowed well from beginning to end. Nicely done! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Ruby Lord
Tue, 2023-05-23 05:47
Thank you for your kind
Thank you for your kind comments Geezer, much appreciated.
My mum was Irish, it's pretty normal in ireland to call your mother mammy or mam. Ruby :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2023-05-23 07:41
dear Ruby,
this poem would make great song lyrics! I enjoyed it very much, thank you for this.
*always Cat, *hugs
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Ruby Lord
Tue, 2023-05-23 08:50
Thank you Cat. Now you said
Thank you Cat. Now you said it I sung it ha ha. Take care & stay safe Ruby :) xx
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
author commentRuby Lord
Wed, 2023-05-31 04:37
Thank you so much, what a
Thank you so much, what a surprise it was this morning to receive the message. I'm made up, Ruby :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
author commentAlex Tanner
Wed, 2023-05-31 05:16
Mammy
A very well deserved win. Alex
Ruby Lord
Wed, 2023-05-31 05:32
Thank you Alex, I am very
Thank you Alex, I am very happy. It means so much to me, to have my poem win a prize, omg, I am made up. Ruby :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
author commentLeslie
Sat, 2023-12-23 01:14
MAMMY
I won't pretend to critique this. What a wonderful poem.
What a beautiful relationship you had. I have never bonded
with anyone. It reminds me in some ways of a song by
Carly Simon called "Like a River'.
me have an indication and feeling of bonding that I never
achevied
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Ruby Lord
Sat, 2023-12-23 05:14
Hi Leslie and thank you for
Hi Leslie and thank you for your kind words. I listened to that song, it was lovely, thank you for pointing me in this direction. My mammy was 39 when she died. It was a very difficult time for all of us.
I'm so sorry you never experienced this sort of relationship, I cannot imagine how that must have affected you? I hope you find comfort in writing your poems. They are a great opportunity for us to say what we have always wanted to say to people who are no longer here. Ruby :) xx
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
author commentLeslie
Sat, 2023-12-23 06:46
Ruby
I have loved that song for a long time. I'm glad that you liked it.
how old were you when you lost your mom? That would have
been confusing and disorientng for me, like a lost boy.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Leslie
Sat, 2023-12-23 06:46
Ruby
I have loved that song for a long time. I'm glad that you liked it.
how old were you when you lost your mom? That would have
been confusing and disorientng for me, like a lost boy.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Leslie
Sat, 2023-12-23 06:46
Ruby
I have loved that song for a long time. I'm glad that you liked it.
how old were you when you lost your mom? That would have
been confusing and disorientng for me, like a lost boy.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!
Ruby Lord
Sat, 2023-12-23 06:56
I was 16, and I was pregnant
I was 16, and I was pregnant with our one and only boy.
I have/had 2 brothers and 3 sisters and a father who didn't give a f*ck about anyone but himself. He hadn't worked for years but as soon as my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he went out and found himself a job so he didn't have to look after her.
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
author commentLeslie
Sat, 2023-12-23 08:30
Ruby
I'm sorry about your dad but more importantly a young
teen with so much responsibility I have two boys and
two girls and I understand some of the resonsibility that
you had and how hard it must have been. Men are
generaly coyotes.
The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!