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LICK IT

Submitted by Esker on Wed, 2012-02-22 20:32

air of shit
these words ache
like a slap burn
and crawl

crawl back to you
pull your soul up
hide your heart
the darkness starts

the dream rips
shorn
the handful of scream

your just falling
crystalline vision
sucked through
that vortex

bitten like a finger
through the hammer
and the gun
say you want to feel
the sun

Lick it
a hurt buried
like a rotten
fallen house
of cards

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Wed, 2012-02-22 20:37

Esker's picture

in the light..
all the negative of the fight
like the eve of a storm
bruised and purple

passion just skin deep

author comment

Esker

Wed, 2012-02-22 21:36

Esker's picture

the sum
captured like a heart
like little smiles
you warmed your tears upon
the not so bad side you
said of the terrible me's

how i loved you
worshipped you

how I knew
I lost

author comment

weirdelf

Wed, 2012-02-22 23:57

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

on your own poems. Let other people do it so you get better feedback.

I like this, harsh, real and honest.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Esker

Thu, 2012-02-23 06:20

Esker's picture

There is so much space for comment posting
no restrcitions so to speak
like freedom of expression here
On can say Ones pissed off about someones work
(I never have nor will)
And I dont say in my comments not to Not comment
for the others..They know Im very open
But thank You anyway for your comment and feedback

Im just harsh real and honest :)

author comment

Esker

Thu, 2012-02-23 06:37

Esker's picture

not at all Mark

there is limitless space about commenting on works here
and they remain open..
I sometimes go and look for the poems that have few
comments weeks after a work has been up..
Sometimes it takes that long to look at a poem like
a painting on a musuem wall or graffiti to think of
something to add about it..

Im not so concerned about technical data
rather more with feeling about a work
Im liking the spirit or soul of the poet
What I love about poetry myself anyway

The past and the future of Now is sometimes
rotten.. there will never be a way to douse
this with pretty flowers.. Some people
in this world just have a bad smell
And in looking back there are the smelly
moments of life

Im lucky in that I can express myself
and be aware of all this in myself and
intuitively be aware of this in others
Like poetry its another gift God has
given me and Im very grateful for
this

No this series of works is based on
the darkness that most would indeed
consider and feel a kind of intimate
connection with the poet And that
is the intention of these pieces and
Im successful here

I really like your feedback very much
Mark here
there is so much effort in responding
and your own opinions and Poetry
its an incredible Poem actually what
you have left here

I am always branching into a new venue
way of writing here Im so glad I dont
have the technical mumbo jumbo
of knowing how to write and rather
just this intuititve creative drive
If I did I would be hampered greatly
by the knowledge of the rules
and expectations As it is this allows
me to write a more edgy work such
as the above

AND in your great feedback
get a quick pic summation
of the "poet" or in what I'm doing
the "persona" of the poet

thats what I love about Neopoet
and the virtual application of
the Internet
we can write a hundred comments
and more and never run out of space
Some of the more interesting
things about this site is how the
ongoing run along dialogues
operate between all the creative
artists here

One thing about me is I just
write
if I was truly bitter as this persona
is I would be writing bitter comments
and Im elevated above this
Guess one could say Im a bit of
a sociologist at times

Damn I love your cat Poem
Im coming back here again
and commenting on this
Great writing Mark

(from the Dark Art of "Esker")

author comment

Esker

Thu, 2012-02-23 07:36

Esker's picture

Yah Mark..I was like blown away by your comment!
my comments on my work are like vignettes
about the "persona" actually
involving mostly the work
Like an art installation
well the poetry comments anyway

its like almost impossible to figure out
what the hell is going on in them
ha ha ha

I guess this can be intimidating
ha ha

Simple would be "Wheres my f****g feeback??"
man I love being a writer and poet
so much more freedom at times

author comment

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2012-02-23 12:18

Nordic cloud's picture

Something Roald Dahl-ish about this one Esker,
in fact I can see him being inspired to write
a whole story about this poem.

Even I would be
if I were interested in writing crime-like stories.

Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Esker

Thu, 2012-02-23 14:29

Esker's picture

good old man against man
oldest story going
the thought process about
result to the think back to the
probable cause
and then back to proof
not always resolved

the forensic moment of it
like poetry at times

Must look up this name Ann

Thank You

author comment

weirdelf

Thu, 2012-02-23 14:37

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

it takes away from the poets genuine response,
let them have their say.

I suspect you have control issues, much as I hate to say it and I do respect you, please ponder on this.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Esker

Thu, 2012-02-23 17:05

Esker's picture

and yes they will write their say!!
wonderful thing the Internet!!
imagine if this was all mail responses
like the old days when poets were
just getting fired up in Canada
and America...And trying to post
to literary magazines.. Did you know
that back then what we consider the
greats posted tons of submissions
and did not get any responses at
all Or were turned down over and
over..Ann Sexton my personal female
poet wrote for years before she
started to show up on the "scene"

and if someone writes me on comments
I will always take this as a genuine response
I never take anyone lightly here
This is my Love
my passion
and their works
their comments are welcomed!

Thank You

author comment

Esker

Thu, 2012-02-23 17:39

Esker's picture

yes I wish I could control this poetic mind of mind
Even on my meds which I take properly now I go
about my city, Yes my city absorbing all the sights
and sound and cultural and social subtlties.. thinking
poetry seeing poetry.. thats why when I sit its effortless
to write because it is all there flowing inside my mind
my heart my soul..Its like my Neopoet.. a pride of
ownership thing..I very much so take great pride in being
a poet here... Sometimes It would be nice to go back
thinking like an artist (sketch/painter)
but alas I am now a poet!!
no control anymore..
just writing every twenty four hours....

author comment

weirdelf

Thu, 2012-02-23 17:48

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

let everyone else control your poetry.

Once you release it to the world it is no longer yours.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Esker

Thu, 2012-02-23 17:54

Esker's picture

shoot it!!!

well Im assuming you are the spokespersons here for someone
for I dont check off any boxes asking for no comments on my
work and a lot of my work indeed does seem to recieve comments
from a wide spectrum of peoples

thing is I write poetry not politics
and ive never been a union steward
just an artist
so Please dear readers
Mr Esker appreciates comments
and I will now be here more then
ever as I have soon full internet
acess and can devote more time
to Chat and to commenting on
works that touch my poetic heart
and pique my creative intuition

Thank You

author comment
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