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kiss all your friends
Kiss all your friends
Give names to the inanimate
I’m telling you when the weeds start growing from your head again
You’ll remember your vow to never regret it
You stand before me in your garden, digging dirt to lay your tulip seeds beneath
Prancing around me as you scatter them fruitlessly
I almost want to flee
Until I watch as you hurtle to the ground rolling in the fresh soil
Giggling like the child you wish you could have been
I decide to join you
I think it’s such a shame how we’ve forgotten to play
Too worried about the consequences
Forgetting that this soil will wash easily from our clothes
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2023-12-12 03:30
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Kiss all your friends" demonstrates a strong use of imagery and metaphor. The reference to "weeds growing from your head" could be interpreted as a symbol for personal growth or change, while the act of "digging dirt to lay your tulip seeds beneath" could be seen as a metaphor for planting seeds of friendship or love.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of rhythm and rhyme. The inconsistent rhythm and lack of rhyme scheme can make the poem feel disjointed and can disrupt the flow for the reader.
The poem also seems to shift between different themes and messages. The first stanza seems to be about embracing life and not having regrets, while the second stanza appears to be a commentary on the loss of childhood innocence and the pressures of adulthood. While these themes can coexist in a poem, the transition between them in this piece is abrupt and can be confusing for the reader.
The final lines of the poem, "Too worried about the consequences / Forgetting that this soil will wash easily from our clothes," are a strong ending that ties the themes together and provides a clear message for the reader. However, the impact of these lines could be enhanced by strengthening the connection between the themes in the earlier parts of the poem.
In conclusion, while the poem has strong imagery and a clear message, it could benefit from a more consistent rhythm and a smoother transition between themes.
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Geezer
Mon, 2023-12-11 23:32
I like this...
I like the message that we can still be children.
The only problem is that you have the wrong word when you say [hurdle].
The word sounds pretty much the same, but it is [hurtle].
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
leoferaco
Tue, 2023-12-12 00:45
Thank you! I’ll be sure to
Thank you! I’ll be sure to correct that
author commentLavender
Tue, 2023-12-12 09:19
kiss all your friends
Deee-lightfuf! Wise words that stir something joyful from deep inside when read!
Thank you!
L
leoferaco
Sat, 2024-01-20 23:29
Hello Lavender
thank YOU always, for all your support!
author commentMermaidMaster
Thu, 2024-01-11 22:57
I love this lots!! such a
I love this lots!! such a delightful execution of an even more delightful idea. Thank you for sharing!!!
<3
leoferaco
Sat, 2024-01-20 23:29
Of course! Thank you for your
Of course! Thank you for your kind words I'm glad to know you thought it was executed well
author commentCandlewitch
Fri, 2024-01-12 07:36
Dear Leo,
It seems to be a light hearted poem at first it is almost joyous. But then it turns serious, ever so cloaked with this line:
Until I watch as you hurtle to the ground rolling in the fresh soil
Giggling like the child you wish you could have been
I decide to join you
the catch line here is: Giggling like the child you wish you could have been
I know how that feels. (There is a childhood that I wish I had been given)
was this intended?
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
leoferaco
Sat, 2024-01-20 23:30
Hello Cat
Great observation! This was intended, this poem was sort of a reflective mourning of childhood. I hope that helps
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