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good man
teach me to be a good man
take me to your childhood home
show me around the room where you wept
your mother hasn’t touched it since you left
what i would give to have known you then
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
little baby poem i hope to add to
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Wed, 2024-01-24 15:33
good man
Hi, Leo,
I can imagine so many scenarios, here, but all of them are compassionate and tender. My guess is, there are a few heartaches within. Wonderful title. Not certain that you really need to add more, its mood lends so much emotion. But eager to read, if you do.
Thank you,
L
(I believe I see an extra "it" in there - mother hasn't touched it...)
leoferaco
Fri, 2024-01-26 18:19
Hi Lavender,
Thank you for the read. I'm glad to hear you believe it stands well as it is. I thought so as well but I have a hard time knowing when a poem is finished so I appreciate the help!
author commentCandlewitch
Sun, 2024-01-28 08:28
good poem, Leo,
but I kind of tripped over this line: "your mother hasn’t it touched it since you left" did you mean to write it this way?
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
leoferaco
Tue, 2024-01-30 15:00
Hello Cat,
Hello Cat,
Thank you. What about this line was difficult to read? do you think it would sound better as "Your mother hadn't touched it since you left"? or is it too wordy? I can adjust it with your help!
Leo
author comment