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there you are
the season of warmth, or rather inescapable heat, is pulling near. perhaps we can start there. perhaps i can meet her on the curb like we used to. where i asked her if she needed a drive home and she insisted not.
she wore different lashes then. her hair was full and her presence shadowed mine. i remember calling in a panic, "do you feel the way i feel?"
she could always put a name to it.
she felt sand the same way i felt it. the heat on her skin, not the grain between her fingertips. i learned so much in that time. i admired what i thought was her wisdom. though all words were once wise.
~
there you are. hi. hello. don’t run off so soon. i found a note in this little book you carried one night. The name that was signed brought me back to you. it was written in the book you bought to take with you everywhere. to be a writer on the go.
The pages sat empty for years, but watch now how fast they fill. each word written carries with it such weight. the ink of my pen must be thicker than what you used.
i know your pain. it lives with me. i feel your joy, which is much easier to forget. i like to look at your photos. not the ones of you, but the ones you took. i like to discover what felt important then. it was all so romantic, all but what was meant to be.
do you remember me? can you see yourself in me? it’s alright if you can’t. i don’t smile as much in photos like you. but you were just a kid. i know you would hate to hear that. i know in ten years, or even just one, i’ll say the same about myself.
just know that i miss you if it counts for anything. and whatever it is: no, it is not your fault.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Tue, 2024-04-09 09:01
there you are
Hello, Leo,
This feels so delicate, fragile. Intimate thoughts quietly placing themselves onto your paper. I can see the thicker ink soaking into the page, and I can almost hear the random thoughts traveling into the air. Such depth in these soft memories. I like the lower case here. It helps it feel lighter. Very tender.
Thank you,
L
leoferaco
Tue, 2024-04-09 23:34
there you are
Thank you so much Lavender. your comments often read like poetry themself.
author commentGeezer
Tue, 2024-04-09 09:40
love lost?...
who knew? who knew that we had shared such sensations, such passion! i wonder if you remember it the way that i do. i think that the questions, are indicative of the answers. i think i got the theme right. i felt a connection, a thread that wanders and wonders; about what happened to a lost relationship. I think that you have expressed a thought that many of us have had.
I don't have any issues with what you wrote, just how it was presented. [Being a traditionalist has its drawbacks]. I found the piece to be well written and wanted to understand the mood, so I would say that all in all, a good poem. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
leoferaco
Tue, 2024-04-09 23:36
Thank you kindly
yes you were right about the theme! I'm happy you could see yourself in my work, I cherish that. I understand the formatting of this poem is a bit unconventional but I'm glad you were able to enjoy the words!
Leo
author commentMermaidMaster
Tue, 2024-04-09 14:42
Leo...
As usual, I agree with Lavender. This poem is one of my favorites I have read on this site. Your style is so gentle and sweet and whenever I see your name in the stream I know good work will follow. The little details you include of the weight of the pen and the feel of the grains of sand make this poem so memorable and special. I remember when I first read your work a while back, Kiss all your Friends. Instantly, you became one of my favorite poets! I loved this poem like I've loved your others and look forward to what you put out next.
Wonderfully done once again,
MM
<3
leoferaco
Tue, 2024-04-09 23:33
There you are
Hello. Your kind words mean so much to me. As you may have noticed, I have not been posting very often. This was the first poem I wrote in a month or so and I was hard on myself while writing it. I often worry the words don't come out right or that I can no longer write as well as I used to. So I value your feedback. Knowing that someone can love a poem I didn't feel so confident about reminds me not to be so hard on myself. Thank you so much.
Leo
author commentClentin
Sat, 2024-04-13 11:18
I really liked your poem. I
I really liked your poem. I too am a traditionalist- comes with old age. Capital letters and all.
Poem conveys your emotions and is quite good.
Clentin
Sat, 2024-04-13 11:18
I really liked your poem. I
I really liked your poem. I too am a traditionalist- comes with old age. Capital letters and all.
Poem conveys your emotions and is quite good.
Michael Anthony
Mon, 2024-04-15 10:53
The highest praise I can give
The highest praise I can give a piece of writing is that it made me feel something. This did exactly that - wonderful write!
Best
Michael Anthony
MermaidMaster
Mon, 2024-04-15 14:22
Congrats on the win! Much
Congrats on the win! Much deserved
<3
Mark
Mon, 2024-04-15 21:35
Emotions
You pull on them Leo. This brings a tear to my eye. A casual style so filled with feelings.
Well desserved win for you.
Best,
Mark
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Tawny023
Fri, 2024-04-26 13:58
You wrote a piece of me
Wow incredible and extremely moving dramatic piece. Sometimes as I was reading, I was thinking to myself I have no earthly ideal of what was said but I m going to keep going. It drew me in and than became my air. I had to see how it ended even more then a good movie. Brava and you win all the flowers for this terrific piece. The formatting was golden.