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Improvements

Submitted by Michael Anthony on Mon, 2023-08-14 20:44

In the past, she smiled
because in the moment
it seemed like the right thing to do.
There was a labor to it.

Her new smile is an improvement;
it doesn't have effort behind it.

Maybe I had something to do with this,
but I want to be the reason for it now.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Contest:

Neopoem Of The Week August 13th to August 18th 2023.

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Tue, 2023-08-15 12:17

I love this...

I might say the last two lines a little differently. Like:

I might have had something to do with this
But I sure want to be the reason for it now

I think it is just a matter of preference. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Michael Anthony

Tue, 2023-08-15 15:14