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Improvements
In the past, she smiled
because in the moment
it seemed like the right thing to do.
There was a labor to it.
Her new smile is an improvement;
it doesn't have effort behind it.
Maybe I had something to do with this,
but I want to be the reason for it now.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2023-08-15 12:17
I love this...
I might say the last two lines a little differently. Like:
I might have had something to do with this
But I sure want to be the reason for it now
I think it is just a matter of preference. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Michael Anthony
Tue, 2023-08-15 15:14
Thanks Geez! Your comments
Thanks Geez! Your comments always give me pause, but in a good way my friend!
Cheers
Michael Anthony
Michael Anthony
Sat, 2023-08-19 13:49
Thanks Mark! You are spot-on
Thanks Mark! You are spot-on about spirit-smiles my friend.
Best
Michael Anthony
Lavender
Wed, 2023-08-23 13:03
Improvements
Hello,Michael,
Another endearing poem. The final two lines take the poem to such a deeper level of intimacy.
L
Michael Anthony
Thu, 2023-08-24 10:10
Thank you L! The last stanza
Thank you L! The last stanza was a real battle to get something I liked. Glad it worked for you too.
Best
Michael Anthony
William Lynn
Thu, 2023-08-24 10:34
Well Done
A wonderful poem. Poignant, redemptive and very well crafted. I wouldn't change a word. Thanks for sharing.
All my best, Will