Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Grandma's Kitchen

Submitted by Unca Fez on Sun, 2023-12-03 20:54

On cold winter mornings,
Coal-burning furnace yet unlit,
Toes curled from the frigid wooden floor,
Grandma’s kitchen was a warm haven;
The wood-burning stove radiating comfort.

Hands wrapped ‘round hot Postum,
I listened in rapture to her tales
Of strange happenings on Otter Lake
And what her life was like
Long before I was born.

The waterspout in the middle of the lake.
The whirlpool that appeared and vanished.
My grandfather's record-setting muskie.
The C. C. C. camp across the bay.
All a fascinating tapestry for a young boy.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Contest:

12/23 Granma's Kitchen

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2023-12-04 03:00

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses vivid imagery and sensory details to transport the reader to "Grandma's Kitchen". However, there are areas where the poem could benefit from further development.

Firstly, the poem could explore the emotional connection between the speaker and the grandmother more deeply. While the poem does a good job of setting the scene and recounting the grandmother's tales, it doesn't delve into how these stories and the setting affect the speaker emotionally. This could add another layer of depth to the poem.

Secondly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. Most of the lines in the poem are of similar length, which can make the poem feel monotonous. Experimenting with different line lengths could add more rhythm and interest to the poem.

Lastly, the poem could use more specific details in the grandmother's tales. For example, instead of simply stating "The waterspout in the middle of the lake", the poem could describe what the waterspout looked like, how it made the grandmother feel, etc. This would make the tales more engaging and memorable for the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Ruby Lord

Mon, 2023-12-04 05:24

This has a lovely charm about

This has a lovely charm about it although I don't recognise some of the references, I think that's geographical? What is a CCC camp?
Your words express a childs feelings. I particulalrly liked the use of "rapture" in the poem.
A great job well done, Ruby :) xx

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

Unca Fez

Mon, 2023-12-04 08:24

Thank you!

The references are geographical. Otter Lake is a small lake in the northern Wisconsin of Elcho. My mother grew up there. A CCC camp is uniquely American. It stands for Civilian Conservation Corp. It was one of the programs that President Roosevelt put in place during the depression in the 1930's. As a child, I wondered about the abandoned buildings across the bay. Grandma had lived through that era and told me about it.

This is probably my favorite memory of my grandmother. On these mornings, I didn't have to share her with anyone. We just sat and talked.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Thanx,
Steve

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2023-12-04 13:15

Postum...

You know, I think they still make that stuff. I remember it well. Yeah, grandma and Aunt Kit's kitchen was the heart of the house. especially during the winter. Nice memories, and I thought that maybe there is a universal Grandma's Club or something, that many of them belong to. LoL ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Unca Fez

Mon, 2023-12-04 13:34

They do

Postum is still available, though I don't know if the formula is the same. Cat has confirmed that she had a member of the Grandma's Club in her life, as well. A nice thought.

Thanks for the read and comments.

Thanx,
Steve

author comment

Candlewitch

Mon, 2023-12-04 14:07

This is Fantastic!

My favorite lines (were hard to choose)

"Hands wrapped ‘round hot Postum,
I listened in rapture to her tales
Of strange happenings on Otter Lake
And what her life was like
Long before I was born."

I love when you tell me stories from your childhood! I think you were blessed by grandmothers in your life...you know that I had one great one and one who dubbed me 'Demon Spawn' because she hated my Dad.
I have terrific memories of my great grandmother on my mother's father's side (the Waggoner's side) my mother and I spent the night in her big feather bed (Coral was there too.) I was five. I remember the fireplace in the big room. The large feather bed which held us, and the terrific stories g-ma told! I loved her ghost stories especially the ones she said were true!

I could well relate to getting out of bed in the very early mornings...so cold on the feet. The frosty breath came out blue! but her cups of steaming delight took the edge off the cold! Do not be surprised if I ask you to tell me another tale from your past!

*love, (the)Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Unca Fez

Thu, 2023-12-07 22:40

It's Good To Remember Those Stories

Those are the memories that I want to keep and share. I have a lot of good memories from the times spent with my grandparents on Otter Lake. They are the ones that stick with me.

Thanx,
Steve

author comment

Lavender

Tue, 2023-12-05 19:54