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Frozen

Submitted by sueb on Mon, 2013-02-04 03:42

Frozen

in shock

Why didn’t I knock?

You could have locked the door
or was that part of the thrill
knowing you’d be caught for sure
If looks could kill
She’d be underground
I’m trying to keep my temper bound
I thought both of you were my best friend
now of course that has to end

Frozen

in shock

Why didn’t I knock?

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

sueb

Mon, 2013-02-04 05:56

sueb's picture

Hi thanks a mil just fiction glad you enjoyed have a great day cheers x

author comment

Frenchf

Mon, 2013-02-04 13:37

I knew this was fiction!

sueb

Mon, 2013-02-04 13:41

sueb's picture

hi thanks for reading hope your well x

author comment

Frenchf

Mon, 2013-02-04 19:48

Sue what do you think Of ending it with Frozen? And nothing else? Based on Jens comment?

sueb

Mon, 2013-02-04 19:50

sueb's picture

yep sounds good x

author comment

Frenchf

Mon, 2013-02-04 19:49

Sue what do you think Of ending it with Frozen? And nothing else? Based on Jens comment?

Jenifer James

Mon, 2013-02-04 16:02

Jenifer James's picture
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I used to repeat lines a lot (still want to), but tend not to as much now...I think it works here - echos regret and captures that little space in time you cannot return to.

Jenifer

sueb

Mon, 2013-02-04 16:12

sueb's picture

thanks Jenifer x

author comment
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