Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Flashbacks

A picture flashes through my mind
Of that sweet and lovely time
I was happy
That time i knew what joy was and had happiness in my eyes
But now they've turned to ice
Everyday is like a second or a minute passing by
I only stop to cry
And I know
I miss those days
I miss that life
When everything just felt so right and all I feel right now is wrong
My life now is like an old camera
Black and white photographs lay on the floor
They show those sweet and lovely times
when everything I loved in life was mine
I reach out to take hold
but a strong wind pulls me back
I feel a heart attack
and like a noose tied around my neck
it tightens at my throat
and no matter what I do it wont give way
I think I won't last another day
I feel as if i've been swept away by a hurricane
my body lying motionless at the shore
its as if i've had a heart attack in my head
I feel cold
I feel numb
I feel dead
I bend down and pick up my broken heart
but no matter what I do it won't mend
Even if I call my friends this feeling doesn't seem to end
I want to do anything to feel alive agin
even if it hurts instead
cause I see your faces in my head
as I lye awake in my bed
thinking of those better days
to get me out of this numbing haze
back to those normal days

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I wrote this poem originally as a song. It tells the story of how my life is right now. I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for as long as i can remember. I was able to kinda juggle it being a social party girl, but without my friends and my boyfriend i am literally turning to ice. Days are like seconds and weeks like minutes. I cant keep up. Try to put yourself in my shoes a 14 year old girl who just lost her life. I cant text and can only video call for 1 hr per day. It's not enough. I need human touch. Hugs, kisses, high fives, handshakes, even just a pat on the back. My family and i don't get along so that doesn't work I have been fighting with my parents for forever, and they can't wait till i leave the house, neither can i. With these last words read and enjoy.
Editing stage: 
Contest: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

and welcome to the site, if you have not yet been welcomed by other members. Your poem speaks of unhappiness and loneliness, and I do feel for you. I should mention right now--I'm not a therapist--in fact it is my belief that only you can help yourself. And by having joined this site you have undertaken the first step to cure yourself. Sure, it may take a bit before our readers will pay attention to your poetry, but they will listen; so, don't give up. I wish I had a remedy for your dilemma in my pocket, but this is my advice: sit down and write--write--write--then post your best poetry, but don't wait for thunderous applause. You have a great vocabulary at your disposal, and a more than adequate command of English grammar. Best of luck, Jerry

i have been welcomes by the other poets and i do have better more joyful poems, but thanks for your care.

Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)

author comment

my only suggestion would be to shorten it
much of it becomes redundant

all in all the wording is there and your emotion comes through
much of my works are actual lyrics but I leave off a lt of the refrains when I use it as poetry

Our chat room is not only there for Thursday afternoon chat 3:30-4:30
but it is there and ready for all to use at anytime of day come often and hook up in conversation to those across the globe

i will work on that

Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.