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falling stars

 

 

Another shooting star

I refrained from wishing,

having watched it

disappear

 

 

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
An older piece, distilled into just these four lines. Still struggling to write these days.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

your distillation, but am not sure that you didn't carry it too far. The gap between the the last word and the previous three, I think is too great. It makes it seem disconnected. Maybe a simple thing as lessening that white space will fix it? ~ Geez.
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Hey geez,
I think you may be right.
And I also felt awkward about that space (now removed).

Thanks for stopping by:)

raffy

author comment

It looks and reads much better. ~ Geez.
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It's simple and to the point. Short poems are not easy (at least not for me) so I admire anyone who can do with seeming ease.

Catherine

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