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falling stars

 

 

Another shooting star

I refrained from wishing,

having watched it

disappear

 

 

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
An older piece, distilled into just these four lines. Still struggling to write these days.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

your distillation, but am not sure that you didn't carry it too far. The gap between the the last word and the previous three, I think is too great. It makes it seem disconnected. Maybe a simple thing as lessening that white space will fix it? ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Hey geez,
I think you may be right.
And I also felt awkward about that space (now removed).

Thanks for stopping by:)

raffy

author comment

It looks and reads much better. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

It's simple and to the point. Short poems are not easy (at least not for me) so I admire anyone who can do with seeming ease.

Catherine

This poem gives me a funny feeling because it is at once descriptive of a split second but then again the description of eternity - history is a pattern of timeless moments (Eliot) - All things must pass (Harrison).

Will

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