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fishing girl
I knew a girl from the Philippines
who knew her way around the sea
She thought that I’d be quite a catch
and reeled me in to see
By the time she had me in her net
her hook had wandered deep,
and found its way inside my heart
and woke it from its sleep
She laid me ‘cross her starboard deck
and eyed me head to feet
And every inch, I felt her eyes
and lain there silently
I waited there, a drowning fish,
and finally saw the sea,
As I watched her stare at other fish —
each indifferently
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
scribbler
Wed, 2018-08-22 23:22
Very nice
I got caught 46 years ago and she hasn't thrown me back yet.......stan
Breakinglogic
Thu, 2018-08-23 07:57
Stan,
Stan,
Thank you.
Congratulations on such a long partnership, in a sea with endless fish, short attention spans and contest fishers.
☆ raffy
author commentSimon
Thu, 2018-08-23 07:07
Hi breakinglogic,
That's net if hers was really a newly produced net, I mean she is young blood who catches very fast.
Falling in love is a wonderful thing and I see you are in love I guest. Thanks for this poem.
Breakinglogic
Thu, 2018-08-23 08:09
Thank you, Simon. She was an
Thank you, Simon. She was an experienced fisher who caught passionately and released with equal agility
☆ raffy
author commentIRiz
Thu, 2018-08-23 16:35
Sweet story, it reminds me
Sweet story, it reminds me german romantic songs.
IRiz
Breakinglogic
Fri, 2018-08-24 03:14
Thank you for that comparison
Thank you for that comparison! That is the type of vibe I was going for!
:)
☆ raffy
author commentIRiz
Fri, 2018-08-24 09:10
Hi Raffy, I am looking
Hi Raffy, I am looking forward to seeing more of your poetry.
IRiz
Breakinglogic
Fri, 2018-08-24 10:08
I used to write so much! It
I used to write so much! It is only recently that I've been reinspired.
I am likewise looking forward to more from you :)
Thank you
☆ raffy
author commentEdna Sweetlove
Wed, 2020-07-29 14:47
A touching little poem...
...I am a bit surprised you have posted nothing here for nearly 2 years. Get your pen out, Raffy!
xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars
Breakinglogic
Wed, 2020-07-29 15:14
thanks much!
thank you for stopping by:)
I am thinking of writing again. It is difficult for me to navigate how I'd like to say things. I've already found fun and inspiration in much of what you've posted
☆ raffy
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2020-08-09 06:15
Nicest little rhyme...
Just a couple of little crits:
1] It should be [lie there or lay there]
2]I'm not sure that you make your point with the line of
"I waited there, a drowning fish and finally saw the sea".
Maybe; "I waited there a drowning fish, pulled out from the sea"?
I really liked the theme and I hope that you were a keeper.
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Breakinglogic
Sun, 2020-08-09 23:31
Hi geez,
Hi geez,
Thank you for your time and notes!
Lie/lay/lain/laid/lied—all very confusing! Thank you for the hint! I will be fixing this
By that line what I meant was, having been removed from my environment—from casual/non-committal dating— I finally saw where I have been living, from the outside. That is to say, while I was ready to be more serious, to her I was just another fish. That is why she was a "fishing girl"
I hope that makes sense!
Thank you and kind regards!
☆ raffy
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2020-08-10 07:12
I get it now...
Thanks for the explanation. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
raj
Sun, 2020-08-09 07:49
Hi Raffy
Good story told through these verses...hope the Subject in the poem managed to get back on shore..:)
enjoyed the read..
raj (sublime_ocean)
Breakinglogic
Sun, 2020-08-09 23:39
Raj, thank you for stopping
Raj, thank you for stopping by and leaving a nice comment:)
I think the fishing girl has finished fishing, while I am still swimming around
☆ raffy
author commentCandlewitch
Tue, 2020-08-11 08:38
hello,
it was like reading a melodic fairytale from a personal view point. beautifully written! more, please! love your style!
*hugs, Cat
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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Breakinglogic
Tue, 2020-08-11 22:26
Cat,
Cat,
thanks for stopping by and for your generous comment:)
I'm always thinking of writing more however I don't often quite get there
☆ raffy
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