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Soon!

Beneath the leaves of autumn's bed,
the grass, still green from summer's tread,
will soon be browned and then decay
to show that winter's on its way

The trees — adorned in icy clothes;
their branches, thin, will freeze in pose,
and at their ends, in wooden fists,
snowballs will form and bend wood wrists

Down in the towns, chimneys will smoke
upon sloped roofs with frosty cloaks,
and forest fawns will plot with friends
to pluck the noses from snowmen!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
This is an older poem that I've recently revised to conform to an iambic tetrameter pattern. I'm no expert but I think I've made it work.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hi, I don't believe I've read your poetry before, sorry about that. This is a beautiful sonnet, rhymes perfectly. I only wonder why the last line doesn't have an end rhyme. Perhaps therein lies the beauty of it, perfection can be boring. Far better to please the reader with your stunning imagery.
Your Winter is still far away, where I live, in Argentine Patagonia, we're mostly under snow.
I'll return for another read, enjoyed this, all the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

Hi Gracy,

Thanks for your very nice comment:)
To address your concern: You're right! It is not a perfect end rhyme, but I did consider it to be approximate enough. Think of pronouncing "friends" as "frens" and "snowmen" as "snowmens," as silly as that may be. Not too far off:)
A good friend I had in the service was from Argentina (or his family was at least). I look forward to reading your work:)

raffy

author comment

Now how did you know? I am so longing for the cold, what amazing imagery. I'm no expert either but I say it works for me. Loved it. Ps if I was hugged by a snowman right now I'd probably go to paradise!

Thank you...Teddy

Teddy, thanks for the read and the nice comment! I wish you fluffy snowman hugs:)

raffy

author comment

Hi, Breakinglogic,
As I clapped along with your poem, it certainly seems that you've achieved the iambic tetrameter, but I join the group in claiming to be no expert. Aside from that - what a lovely poem! I am not the biggest fan of winter, but I do enjoy the scene you've given us. Branches with wooden fists - your poetry has come alive!
Thank you!
Lavender

Psssst,

(I am not a fan of the many things that come with winter: rain, having to wear a jacket, overcast skies... but I do enjoy the soft atmosphere, the briskness and the quiet—when the wind is calm—of a fair winter day, especially when the sun is out and about)

Thank you for your nice thoughts:)

raffy

author comment

This is a perfect iambec tetrameter. I love the rhyme and that's as perfect as you can get when using near-rhyme. Not the biggest fan of winter, but I could do with an icy hug myself in this heat. Very nice. ~ Gee,
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Thanks for your thoughts on this:) I am glad to hear you liked this poem! For you I wish an icy embrace minus any wintery complications

raffy

author comment

I loved the way you have painted the picture of approaching winter with your skill...

good experience...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thank you raj for stopping by and leaving your nice comment:)

raffy

author comment
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