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Erotokinoscene

Submitted by Esker on Fri, 2015-08-14 22:53

heavy is the wind
the humid breath
the light struggles
in a drunken maze
to soothe upon the
bridge between
where your wings
would lay
The golden hair
splayed up and free
from the vulnerable
neck turned
the arms resting
reaching
alluring like the lush
mantle curtian
a jellyfishes lullabye
with every becalming
hush

And the sky ignites in
its brilliance and crash
of light
and the darkness swallows
quietly the tight silence
before the thunders dance
sends the room and crickets
into a trance

cadence sweeping through
the branch
the dreamers chance
of soft chimes
and ghost of evil times
like a heady engine
purring in the beat
of a heart pressed
into the linen sheets

tempo kneading
muscles and strain
the hands merciless
pulling and working
the overburden of
load..the spine bending
in gentle pushes
while a transit of calm
ripples along its arch
and up through the valley
of wings to the nerves
of soft wonder worked
well and sure
and this rain is finding our
street
that tree starting its peal
the hiss....and the lightening
hungers for its voice we
we feel the rumble the
shattered airs tumble
collapsing against across
the wave
this darkness of time

faster the rain falls
the time crawls
strength finding weakness
a rythymn a crush
slaking easements
in the stress
and the sadness
realeases like the cool
charge of rain
chasmic and damp
the steadiness
slowling
the rain falling slower
like a runaway horse
from a gallop to a canter

...

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geremia

Sat, 2015-08-15 09:59

Geremia's picture

Extraordinary imagery.

joe

Esker

Sat, 2015-08-15 15:39

Esker's picture

I feel it too..
only been lately
have I been
just going through
this to find the writing

writing is painful
loss ache longing
reaching...
but learning
experiencing
stretching

curled in a ball
was not good
for me
emotionally

but its beautiful too
pain ache....
man....

thank U for the comment

author comment

Sparrow

Sat, 2015-08-15 19:25

Sparrow's picture
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A raw write and am I getting double vision as here you write and there are two things that can be going on.
Are you having a conflict with your own feelings.
You are there as if with someone enjoying that part of life we have and then there you are curled up in a foetal position as if you fear to think.
Relax young man there in your soul is a simple pathway reach inside and make the pathway straight, your writing will flow the same but with more purpose.
Hope you don't mind this comment, I was just worried that there was a bit of chaos in there that needs a calm think,
Yours as always, Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Esker

Sat, 2015-08-15 22:12

Esker's picture

says from a script writing prompt that characters with conflict
chosing a decision are the best character to start with!

my life is comprised of giving hardly any answers...yes and no
are the hardest things to come out of me if any...or all..
the way i am...ego set at five....
Because I do like to see things in a science and metaphysical
way..philosophy and the rigors of psychology of which all thing
I know little of...I do like waves.....waves of sound..waves of light
waves of emotion...High one minute crashing about the house
singing loudly...eg...Nic caves Ship song...and then growling and
sputtering throwing sparks...jittery with nerves and anger..
and then like the poem...this tranquility like a drug infused
world...realms sustains me like a high arc wave....
then down to the lower range....and then back up again...
Some are continous cycles...mine is a harsh static sharp
and then barely audible.. solving complex thoughts on things
and then barely trudging through a brutal day...
I have everything...luckiest bastard going in so many ways..
and tortured...my own worst enemy...
Writing is my baby...something i create and love
I wish the artwork did it for me....I have a better gift of
that...thinking about starting another sketch
or sketches....Im glad that Im at least happier with my
writing....the characters are way too faint....fuzzy...
but I hope to correct this in future...

I am surrounded by beautiful broken people who love
me and whom lean on me and I them at times..
perhaps they more then I at times...

drinking some chai tea..
got a movie going up in my room
just knowing its playing is enough
to distract..

thank U

author comment

Sparrow

Sun, 2015-08-16 04:09

Sparrow's picture
Volunteer badge

as confused as it may seem you have what appears to be a great life.
The ups and downs are fleeting feelings that rush around your solid core.
There is still waters there, though they give off steam.
Take care young writer and enjoy those rolly coaster rides they are what makes life interesting, Yours, Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Roscoe Lane

Sun, 2015-08-16 02:57

Roscoe Lane's picture

Exceptional poetry, as joe stated above the imagery is beautiful. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Esker

Sun, 2015-08-16 17:02

Esker's picture

responding to others writing is good work...
I read your poems...often...sometimes like others say I am left i thought about it
taking awhile to think of an appropriate response....
I like all the writers here..this community
because we take the time too put pen to paper and share
and comment..
I remember imagery as a teen....how I loved it and to this day....
it retains a much desired and carrying value to me....

to be able to write and give back to what sustained me then and
still does here with all the writing is a great gift

thank U

author comment

ShoddyWorkmanship

Mon, 2015-08-17 18:33

The visuals this creates in my mind are incredible. I love your language. "faster than rain falls the time crawls" The feeling of fast and slow co-mingling. I love it.

Esker

Fri, 2015-08-21 21:35

Esker's picture

thank U....the tension i try to put in the writes..
crime mystery romance and fiction
we had all of the reads as kid handy
encyclopedia magazines and papers..
comx..etc

I think what you are referring to in this write
is in science of sound...albeit soundwaves...
a Doppler Effect...

sound like light in atmosphere can be
bent and altered for many different
mirages....
anyone lost in the woods
can attest to this....

anyone tired has had at one point the
altered perceptions that allow hallucinations
of auditory and visual

tension...one of my favourite things in writing
and in life....funny how that is....

its a taste that I hunger for and have found often
and always searching for the new
thrill...

thank U!

author comment
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