I get the meaning, but Neopoet is a workshop to help and encourage poets. So if we suggest other ways to write this poem, it is not only meant as criticism, but also to try and help.In the end it is you who decides whether you take this help or not. I think this is a great poem, with a sort of deep mystical meaning. And i believe you to be a better poet than you think, but please except our critique in the spirit of Neopoet. Regards Roscoe..

I love this...sounds so much like a pan-African sort of poem, i'm surprised you're not African. Noticed some rhythm as i read and i'm one who loves rhythm in poetry.
One suggestion though, i don't think the title in bracket is necessary but as Roscoe said, its always your choice.
Hey, I'm no pro either but these guys here are helping me get there.

Fav. lines;
With dreams of golden sunsets,
n’ lakes that overflow,
mountains reaching heaven,
the dream-time let him go

Thanks for sharing!

Oh surely not, surely not,
The Dreamtime is the spirit of the people
who roamed out from Africa millennia ago,
their rich philosophy, whether true or not,
is part of the heritage of the world
and wonderfully illustrative of that huge red continent.
I hope it never dies.

"They believe that every person essentially exists eternally in the Dreaming." Wik.

Not quite perfect rhythm here and there for me.
Like the idea, love their 'philosophy'
sad they had to meet with such bad teaching from the immigrants,
drink and drugs rather than sharing knowledge
of what could be eaten and enjoyed together.

Perhaps it is better now?
Ann.

I feel it is about an indigenous of australia, the descriptive words fit that image in my mind, the arrival of white man, the dreamtime has ended. Its also, i think and i i might be surely mistaken, its about you or something close to you, the heritage slowly losing its ground in this faced pace world,the declining population of the aboriginies or anything simple,native and natural being devoured by modern day. the dance, the land the spirit, was finally at an end. The life of being free gone forever, also we are only truly free in dreamtime are we not? and when we wake up..back to clutches of the real world. I likes this poem very much, and i don't suggest to change a thing..i like it as it is.

Being an American I automatically assumed from the title that this would be about the white men arriving on American shores. But it did not take long to figure out this is about the bushmen first seeing European ships. I really enjoyed the images you painted and even the contractions seemed to add to the honesty displayed. The only thing that tripped me up Was "stared" in line 4. is this meant to be started or a brogue form of stirred? Anyhow, welcome to neopoet from a fellow beginner.................stan

this is great write the imagery jumps off the page in leaps and bounds. the mataphors are not cliche.
a reader can assume that it is about their home no matter where it's at. this has a spiritual quality to it, and yet it soars like "Peter pan" (farie tales). Don't sell yourself short, this is a very well thought out write, the meter is very good and the construction carrries the reader on wings of fantasy!

truly enjoyed it.

Eddie
,,,

this is great write the imagery jumps off the page in leaps and bounds. the mataphors are not cliche.
a reader can assume that it is about their home no matter where it's at. this has a spiritual quality to it, and yet it soars like "Peter pan" (farie tales). Don't sell yourself short, this is a very well thought out write, the meter is very good and the construction carrries the reader on wings of fantasy!

truly enjoyed it.

Eddie
,,,

The dream time never ends, it is built into the very soil and rocks of those that first visited your land those 40-60,000 years or more ago they brought with them the Spirit and soul of an old world into a new world.
They drifted into those dreams and I have always felt that they had the better ways until the west caught up with them.
You cannot destroy those times they are thoughts and ways so old that even the Spirit was young..
A lovely write until those last few words as you say that the Dream Time ended then, maybe a change to say something to the effect that it will never die,
.
he knew that time would start again
his dream time to defend,

the dance ,
the land,
the spirit,

was finally at an end.

"was finally at an end." As you know Dream Time is still there and grows.
.
"Finally did ascend
Into the Spirit of his land
Just hidden from their view.
To protect his ways and Spirit so.
Just ask, they will tell you...
.
Yours Ian.T

A simple poet? I think not. Your writing would betray that. I love this poem. Thank you for sharing the story.

Ever see "10 Canoes?" ww.dailymotion.com/video/x9hgp0_ten-canoes-trailer_fun

~Anna

"Dream time is there still in the land,
the trees and everywhere there is a whisper of those things,
but not man's whisper."

As long as there are poets and people with their way of looking,
in this world, the dreamtime will be read about
and heard through those philosophies the indigenous Australian's
built up being passed down as mankind's inheritance .

And now their ecological approach is even more worth studying
and understanding, from the point of view of man's relationship with all nature.
An urgent cause.

The embers are still well guarded by some are they not?
Nordic cloud.

i really appreciate this write
awesome

one thing
'n’ lakes that overflow'
- any reason for not using the whole word?
it doesn't make any difference to the rhythm
and is odd on the eye when reading
just imho i think you should use the whole word

i so love the descriptive

'The dark sky moved by shafts of light
Blood red it chased clouds,
dressed as angels through the sky
the chariots trumpet loud ,
Purple unicorns followed
while slow from crimson cracks,
shafts of light fired up the blue
and the gold blood fired back,'

and i like how you have changed the rhythm here, after the gentleness of the first three stanzas
it so fits the write

love judy