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Early Morning Light
EARLY MORNING LIGHT
In the early morning light, As you lay sleeping by my side. I awake and gaze at you, And my heart swells up with pride.
I brush my fingers down your cheek,
And feel the velvet of your skin. I place a kiss upon your brow, Then another on your chin.
In the early morning light, A soothing peace drifts in the air. I move my body close to yours, To breathe the perfume of your hair.
I think of all the years gone by, And the joy you’ve brought to me. And the tears that fill my eyes, Spring from blissful memories.
In the early morning light,
As the world starts turning bright. I love to hold you in my sight, In the early morning light.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Candlewitch
Thu, 2022-07-14 13:19
hello J.E. Deegan,
a lovely poem for you wife, she will love it! I know, because I am a wife and I Love It! it just needs a tweak or two, nothing serious ;)
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Thu, 2022-07-14 14:23
I like everything...
about it. The pace, pattern and rhyme are of excellence and my only complaint is, that I would prefer that it be in more of a
verticle form; making it easier to read. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Candlewitch
Thu, 2022-07-14 14:35
* #2 vote...
I like it just as it is
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Mr joghe
Thu, 2022-07-14 16:07
There is a development in the
There is a development in the five stanzas of the poem. The beginning starts with jealousy which later turned your bedroom to a romance zone in stanza two. Clutching and clasping begin in stanza three. But stanza four spotlights memories.
Stanza five reveals the feeling of the poet for her lover.
I like the themes, such as regret and affection.
The poem is arranged in descending order (Anti-climax).
"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."
Rosewood Apothecary
Thu, 2022-07-14 20:28
Oooo boy
That’s a good one. Formatting…
In the early morning light,
As you lay sleeping by my side.
I (lie) awake and gaze at you,
And my heart swells up with pride.
I brush my fingers down your cheek,
Feel the velvet of your skin.
I place a kiss upon your brow,
Then another on your chin.
In the early morning light,
A soothing peace drifts in the air.
I move my body close to yours,
To breathe the perfume of your hair.
I think of all the years gone by,
And the joy you’ve brought to me.
And the tears that fill my eyes,
Spring from blissful memories.
In the early morning light,
As the world starts turning bright.
I love to hold you in my sight,
In the early morning light.
I think this is our first interaction but this is just the best. I would attempt to replace some of the articles (and) with discriptive words. I removed one that was unnecessary for the meter. An example of one I’d play with
In the early morning light,
As you lay sleeping by my side.
I (lie) awake and gaze at you,
Pleased, my heart swells up with pride.
Maybe
I think of all the years gone by,
Loads of joy you’ve brought to me.
Joyful tears that fill my eyes,
Spring from blissful memories.
That’s really the only things I’d even consider playing with. Great job. Really excellent rhythm. Are you a musician???
Slightly neurotic editorial,
Tim
Tim