was a mixed tape of surf tunes...
mostly THE ECHOMEN!!

I had depression as a teen..
fourteen due to a mishap screwed me
for any hope of military or other career
parents were splitting....just got sucked
into a vortex and was issued with the
drink...so

but as a kid earlier all around us were
vets of the great war...most of the little
community served overseas..my dad
born twenty four tried out but he had
a boil on his spine...which he got
better from as a child but that wrote
me off from getting into it...and his
dad in the great war had flat feet
and they wanted only the best so
these guys just served on the railroad
...but they both tried out.

when vietnam was going on...we
had young kids and older men
who served arrive in our
community this time of year..
Karl with his long hair and beard
and plate in his head....a hyper
talented furniture maker..he
was on a patrol boat...he was
bright enough he was a captian
and others who said they were
not over there...but I suspect
they were who came too canada
and were bright and found
talented work....
we were haunted by the specter
of possibility....and in techinicolor
comix and revolt it was there...
Kenny in his tiger stripes fresh
off the freedom bird...
the whole thing haunts me still.
I was such a mommas boy..
the prospect of basic training
terrified me...but probably
would have done me the world
of good to get away...
I saw a wild boy from our high
school from a big family join
up....at xmas he came back
in his military greens from
the canadian armed forces
a changed fellow...clean
cut..mature...
and later I hung out with
people who had served in
the militia reserves...
from other military services
before immigrating to
canada...the theme for
those guys was this
wild craziness...
they the military break u
down and re mold them
so it seems..make them
work together..
take direction and give
them discipline...

the fifty calibre mentioned
in this is the Huey gunship
that dropped troops
the door gunners
summer reading is still
about this conflict for me
and real war is way beyond
basic they all said..'

I told my mom then that
if I was american and got
the draft that I would
then...was around twelve
I would serve....

poetry is just a way of coping
with things too
the writing
cathartic principle
in exercise...

I know U know the tech
of the machines as we spoke
..I was lucky to have seen
the Mynarski Lancaster
bomber up close and other
fighters at the air show..
I am terrified of flying
been in a seven forty seven
a small experimental two
seater..twin engine..
bell small helicopter
if I never go up again
I will be happy!!

thank U!

we get "drafted" to our families
sometimes the experiences
have its own trauma
perspective of experience
no one talks of the family
others had worse then us
we just got the emotional battles
but they talk amongst themselves
too...it was so bad for us
no one of our family..the surviving
ones...No one talks..
I see why people dont talk
I have too...my pysch doc
is waiting...she says there is only
one other fellow similar in this
city and she sees quite a few
one of the top dogs in our
little clinic...shes a smart ol
lifer...very brilliant
Empathy keeps us from
becoming the nightmare
we lived...just
had I gone...I would
have survived...just
I relate to the shattered
realms well
shoved to the edge
and hung over it
a few times
for fun...
that changed me
but I hang on
and had a lot of
others walk me
through the brutal
hard moments

just keep pickin' em
up and putting em
down..
Dont pay it no mind...
Drive on driver!

thank U for your comment
Geezer!

Mr Esker!

the vietnam was was just ground into us like the dirt and heat...the brutality we witnessed on the news..the young teachers often asked us about it and we were shared the anti war movies in school...my sisters had the peace chicken poster in their room as I write...with the rest of the sixties and early seventies posters...there was much happiness also...and the cousins who would come up in their luxury sedans with huey model gunship on the back window...our age...a lot of my uncles served in world war too...we had Kenny arrive...right off the plane...probably the first beers and hang out in another veterans house in our town...a mortar gunner who fought up from sicily through italy...I would have seen things different had we been pro gun..pro war family...a lot were not but many believed in flag and country. I too expunge the fears and all tied in with my childhood and strained relations then got logged into all of that...so reading as much books and films of that time helps...somewhat...I doubt I will ever feel the summer the same...so I just write a few stories now and then and keep reading the accounts from those kids who went there....and to love the music of the times....and to keep meeting the now aging demographic who served..many are up here in canada now....I think due to the stresses we had as kids..worry....the arguments due to my dads maintenance drinking and my mothers opposition to it...well..screaming and emasculating him...and he laughing it off till four in the morning....then all was like nothing had happened...but we had too deal with them stressed out for the rest of the day...left its imprint for sure. we were raised via the united church....taught the good values..no fighting...no drugs...no opposition....be good..all that stuff....it was like being the UN and I was the middle child and ran the buffer to my sister surviving in her way through this with loud music behind her bedroom door and waking her up for her shift as a nurses aid....she had explosive anger..and for her good reasons for all the other shit that was going on.....but that is all behind....its echos and explosions felt...the life on the road was and had its moments of interest too say the least..and somehow I got through..luck? odds..ratio and good intuition helped...and God whom I believe in. My point..sometimes your senses are sharpened..I always see things in detail and wide angle vision....I read much to get a better grasp and understanding of how things work....being a Cancer horiscope made me want to know a lot......anyway I am glad that the transferrance of the write came through.....

Thank U Jane!

but as the leader...she called the shots
and it was pretty much do!
not like we could have done much
different
It is what it was!

same as the story
U just hopped aboard
hoped the bosses knew
what the hell they were
doing...otherwise U got
sacrificed for nothing

it was same kind of
experience
Do I miss her yes
am I glad all of it
is very far behind
Oh yes!

Roger That!

thank U!