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...........................delabrer............................

the silken worse
on golden sheen
runs on milken
scene

pillage ghost
silence dust
frozen memories
what we were

the ounce of us
dirt

Editing stage: 

Comments

as being quite reflected. This poem sounds like what someone who is on the back-side of life would say.
I particularly enjoyed the lines: "frozen memories"
"the ounce of us"
I'm always at a loss, as to how to critique your works, since your style is so different than mine. Suffice to say; No matter, I enjoyed! ~ Gee

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study of human brain interests me...
we know of some of it....about as much as we know our own oceans
other then the top flotsam and jetsam

frozen memories are like frozen...the perishables are the short
term in my head in the ice box and cooler...refridgerator
how it all works is beyond me....

this one is totally different.....words like the list notation
elf did on another poem similar
the old fifties beat poets were like this..
beat because jazz was funky then
everyone had some kind of job and a lot of the
machinery was non electronic....effecient machines
in taxis or punchclocks..punch press..sewing machines
for textiles..typewriters....teletex...on and on and on
even the wristwatchs went ping ping ping ping ping
at night or click click click...steam radiators tapping
as they expanded....smaller beds so we slept with
our mates beside us....the breathing..heartrate
murmuring.....resturants were not the fast food
of today.....rock and roll yes..but the basic system
that was bred from was the jazz beats...the riffs
like the rap rythmic word flow.

cadence i guess is what im looking for

im studying the voice graph from elfs reading of poetry
he reads technically very well..spaced....a pace...
the graph of different basic pressure waves from sound
amplitude shows up on the horizontal graph record..
very interesting..

even the fridges made a music in their days...the old
hum...hissing....etc....bottles clinking on chrome shelves
now its all recyclable plastics....

hard to blow a tune on a soda bottle thats plastic nowdays.

frozen.....to be reanimated by anything...
or remained sealed from main traffic flow
the line dirt came from mansons song
the Nobodies which a young musician from
toronto does a cover off.....she speeds up her
voice or does something..but thats art..
like poetry its expressionism
over the more contemporary realism
of the old schemes and technically
correct formats of writing..

your comment is critique enough Gee
thank you!

author comment

"psychiatry is at the same stage of its development as surgery was when practiced by barbers" and I don't think that is too far off.

I love the tone, feel, sound and concept of this piece.

My only quibble is with
silence dust
which I feel would add a little dynamic, if somewhat altered meaning as
silent dust

My reading.
https://soundcloud.com/jess-tapper/delabrer-submitted-by-esker

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

pillaged ghosts..
silenced dust..

silence..silent...
you have your technical background
and this i missed by a mile..

i mispronounce names all the time
and this is no exception and where i
struggled in school....

i go on about being bright but
in all regards this stumbles me
all the time.

silence..silent

because i pair or twin things up
sync it in my head

silence of the night
an hour of silence

and still and stillness too
for some reason..

the silent of the day
doesnt jive in my head
it was a moon of silent..
one jar of silent please

i like how silent works though
thank you for that add on

think thoughts thinking
listen listening hearing
all this is a jumble

but an enjoyable one..

author comment
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