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The dead, alive.

The door opened , and the shadow entered the room.
He had a black ivory eyes, and the breeze of his stench.
It was right away known, then, that he is dead.

Words came suddenly.

I cannot speak, about myself.
I can’t write, a letter to my lover
I am a mere shade of my previous, self.

The song resonated in his own black, empty room.

But he did not move

He just looked at me
And cried

Because of his old moldy stench.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


thanks or sharing this, a poem with a sense of mystery, quite haunting in its own way

maybe fewer commas just or a better flow

Well done

in this line: "He had (a) black ivory eyes, and the breeze of his stench. remove (a)
I like a good spooky tale

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I've never seen or heard of [black ivory]
I would go for black [and] ivory eyes.
What is the purpose of the line: "Words came suddenly"?

Delete the comma "I cannot speak[,] about myself"
and the following line: "I can't write[,] a letter to my lover"
delete the comma "mere shade of my previous[,]self

I think I get the poem; Is it that he is not alive and you are?
~ Geezer.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Every time a person is raised from the dead it is stupendous. This sounds like Matthew 27:52 " And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose,...

"Poetic license
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

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