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Canticles and Candles--updated

Submitted by Geremia on Wed, 2012-05-30 19:45

CANTICLES AND CANTICLES

Canticles and candles
litanies sweet to the ear
incense like a serpent
dancing in the air
the holy kneel in prayer
mesmerized by the magic
murmuring of mysteres.
“Kyrie eleison”
“Lord , have mercy.”
“Miserere Domine”
“Lord, have pity”...
for we fear.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Wed, 2012-05-30 22:42

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I do like this very much, Joe.

I am a sucker for ritual and the piece is elegantly written, though the line
Ora pro nobis peccatoribus
unfortunately jars a bit, a pity Latin is not a more poetic language, eh.

It may not have been your intent but the last line really makes it work for me as an atheist, since I believe that all religion is based in irrational fear.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Geremia

Thu, 2012-05-31 03:16

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Thanks,Jess,and I changed that Latin verse,

Joe

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weirdelf

Thu, 2012-05-31 04:43

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much better.

You didn't mention if you found my interpretation of the last line troublesome, I hope I did not cause offense.

It is a burden we must bear as writers, sometimes I have gone spare with frustration at misinterpretation of my poems. I try to remind myself of my anarchist ideal: once the poem has been released to the reader it belongs to them, to think of and read as they choose. But it's not always easy [smiles]

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Geremia

Thu, 2012-05-31 09:44

Geremia's picture

see my comment.

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William Saint George

Thu, 2012-05-31 07:27

William Saint George's picture

This piece made me happy. That you left it open ended, was great also. I just loved how brief it was. Yet it seemed to say a lot also.

It was the title that drew me in, and yes, I'm glad I read it.
You've made my morning.

O and btw, I recently wrote a Kyrie for a latin mass. Awesome huh?

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

Geremia

Thu, 2012-05-31 09:48

Geremia's picture

Thank you. It takes a special talent to write a kyrie as you have done,

Joe

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