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BURIED IN GOLD DUST

The golden roman shield like
disc above glinting
Like a polished coin Punching the

Sky waking it up. The Feathered
snipered hungry cadaver eyes circling
Watching as I look above. crys of

Starvation. Below the scorching
Grain biscuit. The Devils sauna pit

The air as dry as dust
My body already claimed
My soul over to hell to satan

to gold sprinkled dust

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem has a strong sense of imagery and uses metaphors effectively to convey a sense of despair and desolation. The use of capitalization in certain words like "Feathered", "Sky", "Starvation", "Devils" and "Powdered" is unconventional and might be confusing for some readers. It is recommended to adhere to standard capitalization rules unless there is a specific reason for deviating from them.

The line "The golden roman shaped shield" could be made clearer with the use of punctuation or rephrasing. As it stands, it's a bit difficult to understand what is being conveyed.

The phrase "crys of Starvation" could be more impactful if it was expanded upon. As it is, it feels a bit abrupt and could benefit from further description or context.

The transition from the third stanza to the fourth stanza is a bit abrupt. The poem moves from a description of the sky and the "Feathered snipered hungry cadaver eyes" to "Below the scorching Powdered biscuit Devils sauna pit" without a clear connection. This transition could be smoothed out with the use of transition words or phrases.

The ending of the poem is powerful and leaves a lasting impression. However, the phrase "signed my soul over" could be made clearer. As it stands, it's a bit vague and could be interpreted in a number of ways.

Overall, this poem has a strong sense of voice and uses imagery effectively. With some minor tweaks to improve clarity and smooth out transitions, it could be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

How you write. Just a few structure suggestions

The golden roman shaped shield
like a disc above glinting.
A polished coin punching the sky,
waking it up.

Something to that effect throughout. Good job.

~RoseBlack~

im glad you enjoyed this one

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