Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

BOTTLE KAPS

chewing the stick of gum
wrapper shiny as the metal
of a gun
a paper filter tipped dangles
dancing with each masticating
rumination

ocean green stargaze up through
the cracked skylight
the elevators doors shunt open
on the lobby below
the push bar creak
traffic and noise and the heat
of the day walks in and lies
still

inhale the resting cleanser
and cooking oil odors
she pops a top off a Jones Soda
with her pink Bic lighter
and kicks it into the corner with
a Doc Martens flair

'she shoots, she scores!'
raises her arms briefly
and resumes
ticking the end of the unlight
butt between pearl white teeth

Cream Soda never had it so
good....the gulls punctuate
the upward stare
the safety wire in the glass
reminds her of a screen
caging birds on the slag hot
rooftop
Only the salt breeze on rare
moments stifles the dull
monument of her seventeenth
birthday
'i'm an idol grown idle'
some english class far away
downtown before Junes heady
release
a shot of Schmirnoff
to get the day warmed up
and started
look up the bestie
and hit the bar
the new band rolling
through
like thunder on the
blue line of tomorrow

...

Editing stage: 

Comments

Esker, this is the most laid back but at the same time detailed writing it has been my pleasure to digest. A few typos to make perfect, 4th stanza 4th line, unlit. 5th stanza, June's and I don't understand bestie.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

spelling always been bad
but consistent
thanks for the careful notation
and read Keith!

'Bestie'

reminds me of bethlehem steel
a gritty sounding word
the steppie
step-daughter
taught me the new lingo and phones
how the then teens used them
she is now twenty two
living with her man in a sweet little
apartment north....works as a fitness
instructor in a gym and her man got
her a job in the inclusive member only
family connections pharmacy girl!
My daughter from previous common-law
is with her man. settled in with her
crazy pension like mine..we earned it!
and shes an artist doing great sketches

'Bestie' is the modern term for 'Best friend'
not sure if they use just a 'y' on the end
or the shortened 'i'

I borrow much from cinema and popular media
novelettes..found women's writing to be very
rich in details and nuance.
In my youth I read all the man writers
but in high school the scholastic intellects
steered me into high brow.

lobby scene..stairwells borrowed from 'The mechanic'
Leon and Matilda.
rooftop from The Torn Skirt a canadian novel about
a women coming to age in the eighties in Victoria BC
I actually knew women tree planters and chummed with
my buddies and then often drove my females about
every few years having a steady girlfriend to hang out
with also.

we grew up mid class...families owned homes
only in latter years did I get to see the urban environments
lobbies....old structures of mass...
stuff I only saw on television
and read in books

trying to slow down in my real life too
I have lived quite the life along the way
many of the poems enlivened but mirroring
the adventures from late twenties to early
forties

thank U Kieth
mr wolf

author comment

at the everyday life of youth on a journey to maturity and the celebration of yet another year doing what they must. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.