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Being part of Mama Africa......

I see the Sun waking
up in the morning
as it makes the horizon
to glow with
warmth and life

I smell pleasant
air that is flowing
from tall, green
trees to my nose,
making my senses to
be at One with Nature

I feel texture
of the ground
with my bare legs,
as I go to hunt an
unsuspecting antelope

I dream dreams
that can come to
reality because the wild
around me
is filled with wonders
that turn wanderers
to believers in their
true Self

I stare at the skin
of a still
pond and see myself
as an African child
who has embraced
Joy with both hands
and soul

My joy fills to the brim
in the night
when I get a sight
of fireflies
creating patterns
as they fly

The clear, night
sky inspires me with
tales and poems
that keep my mind
bright until morning

Everyone is welcome
to see the Rainbow of
Joy through the beauty
of Nature

The beauty of Nature
is the beauty of Africa’s wild,
which makes you become
comfortable and free
with your natural Self
like the birds on trees

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
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Comments

But is lacks depth. It is kind of hippy niceness. The death, the cruelty, the beauty could be contraposed to create a far more powerful poem.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

much enjoyed x

Thank you for sharing your opinion regarding my poem. You are very much welcome.

Regards,
Teddy

author comment

Thank you for your applaud; really appreciate it.

Regards,
Teddy

author comment

You have all the makings in this one again to make a good poem, Jess has indicated well what is needed, so lets just take one Stanza:-

I feel texture
of the ground
with my bare legs,
as I go to hunt an
unsuspecting antelope

The Earth touches my skin
Feeling the delicate pace of the hunter
Unsuspecting Antelope will question
Will the Earth allow us both to be.

My write is only a bad one also, but hopefully it shows you how to blend and expand just one Stanza.
Anyway there are other poets that may have a go at just one Stanza to show various forms and ways of writing.
Keep up with your writing, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thanks for your ideas and appreciating my work. You are kindly appreciated.

Regards,
Teddy

author comment
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