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Music

It is a language
that the heart
understands no matter the age,
as the body moves freely
to its tunes

It is a bridge between Earth
and Heaven, making people
to witness the stars twinkling
in unison in a clear, night sky,
as the trees sway to the magical
splendor that vibrates the air
with rainbow colors that only
the young at heart can see

It is a web that connects
every single thing in the Universe
to a rhythm that can surpass
past, present and future,
making our inner joy timeless

We don’t need to have a radio,
a stereo, or an instrument to listen
to vibrant and colorful tunes; all
we just need to do is to close
our eyes, relax, meditate and hear
the Universe playing the tunes
of harmony back to us

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Firstly Welcome to Neopoet site and I hope that you can bring to us the rhythm of Kenya, there are several poets here that are from many places in Africa, and it enhances the feelings we have by Knowledge of your ways..
I like your writing and the ideas behind them, though I felt that you have the feel for rhythm and rhyme.
I felt on this one I was reading a shopping list for such a theme, you have gone through most of the aspects of music now let your thoughts feel the sounds and put them on paper:-

( magical
splendor that vibrates the air
with rainbow colors that only
the young at heart can see)

This is the part that gives out that vibrant feelings of the magic of the universal music, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Thank you very much for commenting on my work, Ian. Yes, I will add more of my works about my culture in the future works.

Regards,
Teddy

author comment

i think it needs a tiny cull, so i have written it out with the words i would delete in brakets

just imo i stress

It is a language
 that the heart
 understands no matter the age,
 (as the body moves freely
 to its tunes)

It is a bridge between Earth
 and Heaven, making people
(to) witness (the) stars twinkling
 in unison in a clear, night sky,
 as (the) trees sway to (the) magical
 splendor that vibrates the air
 with rainbow colors (that) only
the young at heart can see

It is a web that connects
 every single thing in the Universe
 to a rhythm that can surpass
 past, present and future,
 making our inner joy timeless

We don’t need (to have) a radio,
 a stereo, or an instrument to listen
 to vibrant and colorful tunes; all
 we (just) need (to) do is (to) close
 our eyes, relax, meditate and hear
 the Universe playing (the tunes)
 (of) harmony (back to us)

and 'splendor' spell check? - i may be wrong and it may be american spelling - but english/ australian spelling is splendour'

love judy
xxx

 

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Thanks again for your review. You have really helped me in understanding the structure of poetry more than before. Your presence is very much welcome.

Regards,
Teddy

author comment

Poetry that focusses on beauty, love, spirituality to me denies the ugliness in the world

I deeply respect your sentiment, however this is what all good people believe.
My humble suggestion is to include the ugliness and offer real, informed political suggestions.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

Thanks for your wonderful opinion Weirdelf. Sometimes I normally write poetry expressing the way our world is, but sometimes I drown my inspiration to an optimistic life or feeling, to give hope, courage and guide in the Path.

author comment
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