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In darkened room somnolent she lies
while high above the horned moon
cast dim shadows cross the night.

So now she sleeps.
how soft she breaths,
no movement yet, she could be dead.

But winter closes, snows thaw then flow.
Earth warms, she moves,
her time has come.

Languid, stretches limbs;
She sighs, she smiles,
another year.

She stands a tip toe a ballerina fair,
looks on her world,
bestows new life.

With soft warm breath she commands all things;
Grasses grow, trees sprout,
Beasts breed, man mates.

Soft rain from gentle clouds gives life,
sweet meadow flowers bloom.
Earth smiles.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses vivid imagery and personification to depict the transition from winter to spring. However, there are areas where clarity could be improved.

In the second stanza, the phrase "No movement yet, she could be dead" is somewhat jarring. It's unclear whether this is a metaphorical death (as in, the earth is dormant during winter) or a literal one. If it's the former, consider rephrasing to make this more apparent. If it's the latter, it's unclear who "she" is and why she might be dead.

The transition from the third to the fourth stanza is also a bit abrupt. The third stanza ends with "her time has come," which suggests a significant event or change, but it's not immediately clear in the fourth stanza what this change is. Consider adding a transitional phrase or sentence to bridge these stanzas.

The final two stanzas effectively convey the renewal of life in spring. However, the phrase "man mates" is somewhat out of place. While it's clear this is meant to parallel "beasts breed," it's a bit too blunt and lacks the poetic subtlety of the rest of the poem. Consider rephrasing this to better match the tone and style of the surrounding lines.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of punctuation. For example, the first stanza uses periods at the end of each line, but the rest of the poem does not. Consistent punctuation can help guide the reader's pace and rhythm.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

Hello, Alex,
How beautiful. I can hear her softly breathing, then gently rising and glancing out over the Earth, giving fresh life to everything. You have many wonderful poems, but I think this is my favorite, so far. It is so lovely.
Thank you!

Thank you L, you are very kind in your comments and it is appreciated. Alex

author comment

A soft, sensual expression of the arrival of spring. Like a pastel watercolor with a bit of contrast! Great job as always!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

Thank you for your kind remarks. Alex.

author comment
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