Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Aftermath

and thus
there was only dust
everything apart
no form, shape or order,
only dust
to remind me
that everything is done
everything is gone.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

there is too little of it to actually have a pattern or rhythm/pacing,
but I didn't stumble over anything, so I guess alright. I like the theme
it is just enough to make one wonder, what is gone? Not much logic to it
as there isn't much of a story. I know there are going to be a few people
who will ask questions about who, what and where, but that is the nice thing about this one.
It is as complete as it can be without giving anything away. [Nothing to give away]
Also, it lets one ponder the what of? Very nice! I do hope that all your work
won't be of this nature though, as a person tends to get tired of questions with no answers.
Welcome to Neo. and I hope to see more of what you are capable of. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

thanks for you comments

author comment

Hello,
I, by no means, am an expert on poetry, and overall really like the poem and I can relate to it. My suggestions are coming from a place of respect.
Here's my thoughts on your poem:
The line ... "everything apart" - I understand the sentiment, but I think you can create a better impact changing the word apart to something else (isolated, separate, asunder)
And the last line "everything is gone" - I feel like it doesn't quite fit because everything isn't gone, particularly your feelings and the thing that reminded you of what once was.
Thank you for sharing. Please critique any of my work.
-Michelle

Thank you for your words.

author comment

Ian,

spot on piece of poetry. Deliberately short & vague allowing the reader to immerse themselves into the poem & attach it to something meaningful from their own imagination.

Great piece,

One.

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

Thank you for your words!

author comment

I would remove (The) from the title and go with just: Aftermath.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.