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Follow me (Cry)
Let’s soar one more time
while the music plays
Let’s fly into the immense
that unfolds everytime
the light strikes us
Let’s dream like Icarus
and conquer the sun for a minute
Let’s live with no sorrows or regrets
and face the unknown
with a defying smile
Let’s hold hands and bravely live.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Tue, 2022-04-19 18:33
This sounds...
like something that my all-time favorite actor Vincent Price would say in one of his movies! He was so enamored of such grand statements. I think it must have been from his acting on stage days. I am of two minds about your title, one says that it should be something more sweeping and powerful, the other says that it is powerful in itself. I like the rhythm and the measure. The theme is somewhat romantic and speaks of a long history between the speaker and the recipient. I do wish that you had used lower-case in some lines, but I think that may just be me. Good work! ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Ian Hood
Wed, 2022-04-20 02:02
Thanks for your words.
Thanks for your words.
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2022-04-20 11:06
hello Ian Hood,
I love this line, "let's hold hands and bravely live" in my older age it means much more to me! thank you for this.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Ian Hood
Wed, 2022-04-20 18:38
Thank you for your words!
Thank you for your words!
author commentJackweb
Wed, 2022-04-20 11:19
What I observed
There is misuse of Upper case in the lines. And your title is not fitted in the poem.
Though you have a nice idea in the poem. Well crafted!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Ian Hood
Wed, 2022-04-20 18:40
Thank you for your opinion.
Thank you for your opinion. Edited the Upper case. Cry as in a desperate scream for help...at least that was the idea.
author commentJackweb
Thu, 2022-04-21 13:28
Ok
That's nice.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Geezer
Wed, 2022-04-27 10:29
Ian...
you have made your title as I would. This is the way that your title should appear for the Challenges! Thank you! ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.