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Tomorrow, Yesterday, Today (Revision)

I see everyone
On the express
To what they believe
Is the formula to success

Does anyone know
The color of their God
Because all I see
In their eye's is green

God is a mathematical
Equation
Answered in dollar signs
To what is considered
A life of bliss today

I am not
A domesticated creature
My thoughts of bliss
Seems to be that less
Is all I need

More is a relative term
That can not be filled
The bottomless pit
eventually sucking us
Down into its darkness

I have been there
And it is just below
What we know
As absolute zero
Bone chilling fear

I stop chancing rainbows
And see life for what
I perceive it to be
A wondrous kaleidoscope
Of ever changing events
Which I can not control

Riding a roller coaster
Filled with peaks, valleys
Sharp turns
that jars my senses

Funny,
But I have learned
To welcome it
For it is the moment
Which I live for

Not for what tomorrow
Might bring
But for the surprise
Of not knowing

That is what I embrace

What I do now
Will affect tomorrow
And my yesterday
Is just the lesson
Of my today

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
I think that the last line in stanza eight sounds much better. thanks guys, for your help.
Editing stage: 

Comments

wow man, this is different, for you. The structure and cadence are quite different from when I last read a poem of your's.
I think this is very good. My only criticism is in stanza 8:

"Which make me feel tipsy"

I think that this line is far, far too passive, and detracts from the rest of the piece. "Which" and "feel" and "tipsy" are all too weak, for me, nowhere near active enough for the rest of this piece, which I think rocks.
I would not change the meaning of the line, however, I would simply re-write it.

This is really good my friend, it's bookmarked.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I have to agree, It is a little weak. I will work on that. thanks Buddy for the truth. It always helps.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment

Eddie

Nice and this part is the wow for me

What I do now
Will affect tomorrow
And my yesterday
Is just the lesson
Of my today

Work on the tipsy and don't get a little turvy:)

ciao bello

I do like that stanza, I wrote it with out thinking. After I wrote I looked at it and thought, Did I write that? LOL! that's the truth of it.
Thanks sweetie Appreciate your visit and comment always.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

author comment
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