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To Beat a Dead Horse (Part 1 of weirdelf's 3 part challenge)
I once owned a horse we called Fred.
I feared he was slow in the head.
One day, he'd not ride,
so I sliced up his hide,
and proceeded to beat him 'till dead!
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Please understand, I HATE animal cruelty on all levels. The challenge was to write a poem that offended a firm belief of mine and my friends.
Editing stage:
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Author information
Region & Country
North Carolina, USA
Favorite Poets
Alfred Noyes, T. S. Eliot, Lewis Carroll, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, William Wordsworth, William Blake, Seamus Heaney, Robert Herrick
Comments
Rhiannon1010
Sun, 2011-11-20 00:36
why a limerick
I felt I should keep the feel of the poem light and happy since, in my oppinion, it is more offencive to talk about a serioud issue in a care free way, also, think of limericks when I go to bed. They help me sleep. tehehe, it is 12:31 am here! lol
author commentRhiannon1010
Sun, 2011-11-20 00:33
Cummon Jess.
Bring on part two!
author commentweirdelf
Sun, 2011-11-20 21:15
here it is
http://new.neopoet.com/node/part-2-truly-offensive-poem-rhiannon
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Rhiannon1010
Sun, 2011-11-20 00:38
why a limerick
I felt I should keep the feel of the poem light and happy since, in my oppinion, it is more offencive to talk about a serioud issue in a care free way, also, think of limericks when I go to bed. They help me sleep. tehehe, it is 12:31 am here! lol
author commentBonitaj
Sun, 2011-11-20 03:57
Hi Rhiannon!
Yes, I totally see the point of this poem and where it came from. Incite offense indeed! My only problem is the closing line. Perhaps, since he is now dead, you could put that in the past tense. i.e. I proceeded to beat him, till he died. Make sense?
Thanks for the inadvertant smile!
Bonitaj
Bonitaj
weirdelf
Sun, 2011-11-20 06:26
Boni, despite being humorous,
limericks have a very strict form, that last line would have to rhyme with died, and it doesn't scan doesn't scan.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Rhiannon1010
Sun, 2011-11-20 12:17
you sure?
the limericks on the "a little humor in writing" page have the same rhyme scheme. So do many others.
author commentpleiades
Sun, 2011-11-20 17:38
challenge well met i say..
challenge well met i say...and i confess to
a soft spot for a well writ limerick
as this speaks in past tense, i'd suggest
tweaking the last line...perhaps,
"and proceeded to beat him til dead"
re your comment above...the rhyme scheme is correct
cheers
p
Rhiannon1010
Sun, 2011-11-20 21:10
i thought it was.
and as far as the past tence, that was how I had originaly written it. guess first instinct is the bes one, eh?
author commentCandlewitch
Wed, 2012-01-11 12:29
Hello Rhiannon,
I always appreciate a good limerick. Especially one of a dark nature. Good job. I wouldn't change a word of it.
always, Cat
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