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i, love and you

star filled skies hold
those tiny moments
the ones
you look up at and
remember

today we spoke for
one moment

it felt
like yesterday
when skies
were filled with
red tail hawks and
wolf tracks

you mentioned
her name that day
as if a rusty pot
sprung a leak-
the magic boiled dry

we all make choices
to sacrifice satisfaction
but mistakes
can only
be made once

the sky tonight
holds moments of truth
none of them are you

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 

Comments

Will ponder on that Ian, thank you

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

This is simple beautiful, I particulary love the end stanza, the whole atmosphere gives
a pondering effect on me. "the magic boiled dry.............great line, sum up all.
Erwin

(a poem a day keeps the doctor away)

Thanks Erwin, much appreciated

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

Yes, this is a very plain and trouble-free love-poem and I enjoyed it very much. Thank you very much Fire.
Regards
Ayaz

I do admit to preferring the simpler way of free verse, so thank you

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

Yes Shirl, you are correct, a lucky escape :) xx

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

You have captured the emotions of closure. I like the imagery you used to describe your feelings and the clarity of the final decision.

we all make choices
to sacrifice satisfaction
but mistakes
can only
be made once

Well written and thought provoking.

Love Mand

Love Mand xxxxxxx

Thank you Mand, I am glad you enjoyed it

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

I could totally relate to it. The words are beautifully placed together to convey such a big emotion.
Loved it.

Cheers
Samaira.

Keep smiling, keep shining.

Thank you Samaira for your comment

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

I like this CC and it says a thousand words, Nice write and I too look up to the stars and meditate on the brilliance of their lights and the many wonders they hold for all of us. Nice poem friend

Love
Mona

I think I have perhaps almost written enough words on this but now and then they still appear :) Thank you Mona xx

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

different enough to grab my attention. Your poem (no I will not call it a write, because it is a poem or a work) is much of what I look for in a poem. I like clean and simple language. I think the fewer words the better. Along that line I have one suggestion. I would drop line three. I wonder if line four might better read as “to” instead of “you” but I vacillate on that because it doesn’t sound to me as good as “you” Thats what is good about a workshop. It is your poem so I don’t have to make that decision. Keep writing because I really like your work.
star filled skies hold
those tiny moments
the ones
you look up at and
remember

vexations

Thanks Vex, will ponder on that overnight :)

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

I enjoyed reading this until I started reading it slowly. Then I still enjoyed it but came up with a few things :
S-1,L-4 try you seek to
S-2,L-2 change moment to instant to avoid moment repeat
S-3 seems a line needed between L-5 and L-6 maybe something like : the world covered by ( unless you think wolf's domain is the sky lol)
S-4 try : and as a rusty pot
S-5 L-3 put "some" after "but"
S-43,L-12 tell stan to stop picking on your poem lol
just alternatives.............scribbler

I don't mind you being nosy :P Thanks I will look at those things and ponder.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

lucky escape..rebuke or whatever ...the fact remains that memories of those moments do keep coming back time and again..one of which perhaps inspired this write..if so it does mean doesn't it that ..those who touched our heart do leave an imprint...in that context the title is certainly appropriate..

i liked the way you have used the medium of poetry to express those moments..

raj (sublime_ocean)

you mentioned
her name that day
as if a rusty pot
sprung a leak-
the magic boiled dry

&

the sky tonight
holds moments of truth
none of them are you

It sounds to me like you dodged a bullet from an insensitive ass, just in time. I think your writings hold many surprises. I have no suggestions, only appreciation for the writing.

always, Cat

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

Yes very much dodged a bullet. Thanks so much Cat :)

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

Oh!

you mentioned
her name that day
as if a rusty pot
sprung a leak-
the magic boiled dry

M

___________

Nah pop no style, a strickly roots.

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