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shadow puppet

it exhausts me to follow you-

dark puddle on concrete
the stain of what you are

once a day
a light gently widens
with only a sky for company
gaze of sun diligently lingering

in the evening
our bodies

skin like paper
winter and bloom

our disappearance sudden with the night

witness me now
without you

flat and lifeless

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
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the profound hollowness is very perceptible in this the random structure deliberate to express commotion of thoughts?

raj (sublime_ocean)

You're quite right Raj, this was a jumble of a dream, random and incoherent thoughts that I scribbled down but then though perhaps it should stay that disconnected way as the dream intended.

"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

so my perception about the structure of this write was certainly does justice to a dream of incoherent thoughts...

raj (sublime_ocean)

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