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Breakfast

Submitted by vexations10 on Sat, 2011-04-23 16:50

Your unique omelets
Fascinate me. Like your sex
Always exotic

Style / type:

Structured: Eastern

Review Request (Intensity):

Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)

Last few words:

I know this is not a true haiku. Also go ahead and criticize the poem. I thought I would check “please use care” for once to see if anybody notices!

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Comments

scribbler

Sat, 2011-04-23 19:41

hello

I sometimes mark Japanese on a western classic for same reason lol. Not a haiku, but still a very descriptive Japanese. Maybe Senryu?..................scribbler

vexations10

Mon, 2011-04-25 18:23

Thanks Scribbler

I agree that it should be called a Senryu.

vexations

author comment

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2011-04-24 00:43

hi Vexation

omelets and sex never would have thought. lol
nice piece

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

vexations10

Mon, 2011-04-25 18:21

Thanks Barbara

I’m glad you liked this Senryu (others have told me that is what it is).

vexations

author comment

CCfire

Sun, 2011-04-24 04:20

You could call it a Senryu as

You could call it a Senryu as it involves people :P I think it's interesting to do these a different way.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

vexations10

Mon, 2011-04-25 18:19

Oh yes,

I had heard of Senryu but never locked in on it as a variation of the haiku. Thanks much.

vexations

author comment

raj

Sun, 2011-04-24 04:53

a nice expression..i guess

a nice expression..i guess the reference to omelets n sex is due to the sizzling effect of both...

raj (sublime_ocean)

vexations10

Mon, 2011-04-25 18:17

Now I

want to add another verse including the word sizzling. Thanks for the comment

vexations

author comment

Eduardo Cruz

Sun, 2011-04-24 04:59

Vex

haiku" are usaully to compare nature and life's deeper meaning, but this is deep in sex and i lke it.
talk about improving on an omelet, Hahaha!
It's so interesting what you've done here.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

vexations10

Mon, 2011-04-25 18:16