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Breakfast
Your unique omelets
Fascinate me. Like your sex
Always exotic
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words:
I know this is not a true haiku. Also go ahead and criticize the poem. I thought I would check “please use care” for once to see if anybody notices!
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Sat, 2011-04-23 19:41
hello
I sometimes mark Japanese on a western classic for same reason lol. Not a haiku, but still a very descriptive Japanese. Maybe Senryu?..................scribbler
vexations10
Mon, 2011-04-25 18:23
Thanks Scribbler
I agree that it should be called a Senryu.
vexations
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2011-04-24 00:43
hi Vexation
omelets and sex never would have thought. lol
nice piece
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
vexations10
Mon, 2011-04-25 18:21
Thanks Barbara
I’m glad you liked this Senryu (others have told me that is what it is).
vexations
CCfire
Sun, 2011-04-24 04:20
You could call it a Senryu as
You could call it a Senryu as it involves people :P I think it's interesting to do these a different way.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
vexations10
Mon, 2011-04-25 18:19
Oh yes,
I had heard of Senryu but never locked in on it as a variation of the haiku. Thanks much.
vexations
raj
Sun, 2011-04-24 04:53
a nice expression..i guess
a nice expression..i guess the reference to omelets n sex is due to the sizzling effect of both...
raj (sublime_ocean)
vexations10
Mon, 2011-04-25 18:17
Now I
want to add another verse including the word sizzling. Thanks for the comment
vexations
Eduardo Cruz
Sun, 2011-04-24 04:59
Vex
haiku" are usaully to compare nature and life's deeper meaning, but this is deep in sex and i lke it.
talk about improving on an omelet, Hahaha!
It's so interesting what you've done here.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
vexations10
Mon, 2011-04-25 18:16
Thanks Eddie
twas a good breakfast.
vexations
Race_9togo
Mon, 2011-04-25 18:23
Hi Vex
I find myself (ahem) wondering which ingredients the omelet and the sex have in common.
heehee.
Good poem, and I don't care how it's labeled.!
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
vexations10
Tue, 2011-04-26 13:13
Thanks Jim
Perhaps I need a second verse! Let me see, they can both sizzle, (got to think about it some more.)
vexations
Candlewitch
Tue, 2011-05-03 11:17
Hello!
Omletes and sex... a wonderful suggestion! Would make for a lovely indulgent brunch!
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
vexations10
Tue, 2011-05-03 12:35
Even better
when suggestions become reality. Thanks for dropping by, reading and commenting.
vexations