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Reclamation

A barren branch still reaches out
o'er withered seedling's callow chance;
still wick within, pulse beats throughout
a barren branch.

And there, despite life's fatal glance,
beyond spring rain or summer drought,
our majesty begins her dance.

Her pirouette glows beyond doubt
past naked limb of stretched expanse;
regeneration gleaned to sprout
a barren branch.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Roundel (poetry)

A roundel (not to be confused with the rondel) is a form of verse used in English language poetry devised by Algernon Charles Swinburne (1837-1909). It is a variation of the French rondeau form. It makes use of refrains, repeated according to a certain stylized pattern. A roundel consists of nine lines each having the same number of syllables, plus a refrain after the third line and after the last line. The refrain must be identical with the beginning of the first line: it may be a half-line, and rhymes with the second line. It has three stanzas and its rhyme scheme is as follows: A B A R ; B A B ; A B A R ; where R is the refrain.

Reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roundel_%28poetry%29

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I appreciate the kind comment. I am anxious to see how this new and improved site runs.
Glad to be back. Will be getting out there to comment soon.

Thank you again. ~Pamela

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author comment

thank you for the elaboration on this form of poetry which is a value addtion ...

would "rejuvenation" be a more appropriate title?...just a thought..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Hmm. Perhaps,

re·ju·ve·nate
   [ri-joo-vuh-neyt] Show IPA verb, -nat·ed, -nat·ing.
–verb (used with object)
1.
to make young again; restore to youthful vigor, appearance, etc.: That vacation has certainly rejuvenated him.
2.
to restore to a former state; make fresh or new again: to rejuvenate an old sofa.
3.
Physical Geography .
a.
to renew the activity, erosive power, etc., of (a stream) by uplift or by removal of a barrier in the stream bed.
b.
to impress again the characters of youthful topography on (a region) by the action of rejuvenated streams.
–verb (used without object)
4.
to undergo rejuvenation; revive.

OR

[rek-luh-mey-shuhn] Show IPA
–noun
1.
the reclaiming of desert, marshy, or submerged areas or other wasteland for cultivation or other use.
2.
the act or process of reclaiming.
3.
the state of being reclaimed.
4.
the process or industry of deriving usable materials from waste, by-products, etc.
Origin:
1525–35, in sense “a protest”; < Middle French < Latin reclāmātiōn- (stem of reclāmātiō ) crying out against, equivalent to reclāmāt ( us ) (past participle of reclāmāre; see reclaim) + -iōn- -ion

—Related forms
non·rec·la·ma·tion, noun

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I think you make a great point here. Let's see if anyone else agrees. I like it. Thank you for your observation and great idea. ~Pamela

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author comment

think about it..i just shared a thought...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I love it when someone explans a style of poetry I do not know, I truly appreciate it.
I love the poem, but it's even better when you understand a certain meter.
thank you so very much!
Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

I am pleased you enjoyed this poem and form. It is a form that has not gotten as much attention as it seems it should and can be just beautiful with its use of repetition. So pleased for your thoughts here. Thank you again. ~Pamela

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author comment

It becomes more obvious to me every day that there are more forms on heaven and earth than are dreamed of in my philosophy lol. Always good to see a new face who comes with yet another style new to me.................scribbler

I am pleased you enjoyed this one. Would love to see you try a Roundel if you have not already. It really is a great little form. Thanks again. ~Pamela

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author comment

Thank you for the welcome back and your lovely comment on this poem. I am so pleased you enjoyed it. Thanks again. ~Pamela

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author comment

I would love for you to share this form on your blog. It really is a great little form that doesn't always get enough attention, I think. I hope you will be certain to credit the form specs to the link I provided on my page.

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/174568

This link too may be a bit more credible than the other one.
I would love to see more poets attempt this form.

I am pleased you enjoyed the write. Thank you again. Glad to be back and looking forward to the new and improved NeoPoet.

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author comment

welcome to Neopoet!
Forgive the lateness of my comment, I can only plead a busy schedule and weighty workload, heehee.
This is an excellent first poem for Neopoet. I enjoy roundels, and we don't see very many of them, these days.

Your title: at first I thought it might be improved upon, but with additional readings of your poem, I think it's a good title, given all its implications.

As for the rest, I cannot see anything structurally that needs improvement, except that line 1 of stanza 3 could use an extra syllable, perhaps. I stumbled just a tad on the cadence, there.
My only real criticism is the use of "o'er", but this is a personal dislike on my part, heehee.
Also, I would have given thought to capitalizing "majesty", but again, that's probably just me.

Excellent work, Pamela.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I am anxious to see the new Neo as we move forward.

I am pleased you enjoyed the Roundel. Check L1S3 and the syllable counts are spot on but there may be differences in how certain words are pronounced - I don't slip there but that's ok. It is good to know and something to think about.

As for o'er - yes - I hesitated immensely before using it but haven't been able to muster another word or phrase that keeps the meaning. I dislike the use as well. Majesty, I would not capitalize unless it began a sentence but then again, dialects, pronunciations, spellings - can all differ between different parts of the world - and even in different parts of the country.

A good critique and I thank you kindly. If you can find a line that replaces o'er I will be more than happy to hear it. LOL I'll keep trying.

I do hope to see this form explored a bit more by the poets on Neo. Might make for a good workshop.
Thoughts?

Thanks again. ~Pamela

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author comment

I see what you mean about the syllables. On reflection I think that maybe it is the double "d" between "beyond" and "doubt" that throws me.

"O'er"; now I'll be wracking my brains all night, trying to find an alternative! lol

I would have capitalized "majesty" (as in 'Her Majesty') because it denotes royalty, and would sharpen the personification you use in the stanza.

A workshop on roundels is not a bad idea at all.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

I like the title, I think of 'reclamation' being not only of the tree and the seasons but of the person and the reclaiming of life for herself. Tight form as I know you're capable of. Enjoyable and you know I won't crit form I have no experience to tell you how to write these :)

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

Thank you. It is a form that is neglected I am afraid, but such a pretty one. I am so pleased for your comment and thoughts about this work. The title works for me yet too. Thanks again. ~Pamela **HUG**

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author comment

"Her pirouette glows beyond doubt"...in this line you change the rhythm of the first line of each verse, was that meant? Now I look up and see Jim has said the same thing! Maybe 'A' doubt?

I just love the still-life picture you paint here, it gets so firmly fixed in the mind and waits to be rejuvenated like an Ikebana flower arrangement balanced and in harmony with itself-the poem.

Love to you and I found you here happy to see you Pamela,
with love from Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

I am so pleased for your comment and honest critique. I have work to do yet on this poem and that is another line that bites me every time I read this. I will be working on this one - for certain. It is such a lovely form and I'd like my words to shine in it.
Thank you again. It is good to be back. ~Pamela

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author comment

...and I think your first since returning to Neo. Having just finished an experiment with a ballade I can appreciate the difficulty imposed by repeating lines. You didn't mention a meter requirement. Only syllables? It seems the poem is written in iamb, but I will agree with Race that I had some problems with the "pirouette" line, but my reason is the meter. It does not match the rest of the poem even if syllable count is sound. I hope you don't change the use of less common contractions- "o'er"- as I think they've been given a bad rap. I don't see them as pseudo medieval, merely a contraction not often used. I would think opposition to "o'er" should expand to "they've" or "you're". I see no difference. I would probably have capitalized "majesty", but not for a connection to royalty. Correctly done one would NOT capitalize because their is no direct correlation to a specific royal. I would capitalize because it's cute. I use them to make odd points and connections. For example, you've seen me refer to the chief bad guy in my big poem. The opening poem was entitled- "Sonnet on The Man". Technically "the" should not be capitalized, but I do because it says THE man. In your poem it would be pleasant decoration.
I was pleased with the shape and elegance of the poem, but not surprised. Your use of classical forms is exciting and encouraging. The jury is still out, but I may have found my new favorite poet.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I will say, I do love this form.

OK Wesley, - I often have difficulty with meter - so please spell out the pirouette line if you have a moment. (AND ANYONE ELSE for that matter - please jump in) I cannot see where the meter is off? UGH. AND I KNOW once I am blind to it, no matter what I do, I cannot see it.

so - help please ...

I truly do dislike the use of contractions in poetry so you will rarely find any in my verse. O'er - eh. In this one a reader understands it, but if I could find a better word, I would use it.

Capitalize for "cute" - OK - that deserves a "smack". (meant with humor of course) No, I will not capitalize for "cute".

I would like to see more poets try this form. Shall I look for one from you soon?
I think I might try another as well.

Thank you again. I am very pleased for your comment and will look for your additional thoughts when you are able to provide them. ~Pamela

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author comment

I'm going to do this as though you knew nothing to fill in the blanks. If it takes a little more room because of this, please forgive me. I don't know what you don't know.
Your poem is written in iamb. This is characterized by a series of two syllable "feet", one unstressed followed by a stressed. ta-TUM. The line we're discussing is written in iamb until the word "beyond" which is trochee or feminine (iamb is masculine). Speaking for myself I pronounce "beyond" with a masculine stress or stress on the second syllable- be-YOND. The placement of "beyond" in the poetic line requires it be stressed as feminine- BE-yond. This is what Race (?) was tripping up on.
The possible problem here is this. Reading poetry online, I am "listening" to poets from around the world who pronounce everyday words in very different ways. I just discussed this very thing with a young lady in England who pronounces the word "integral" by accenting the second syllable- in-TE-gral. I, of course, stress the first- IN-te-GRAL. You, being on the east coast, may very well pronounce "beyond" differently than the majority of Americans.
Nevertheless, that's where the problem lies.
Whenever I start any sort of new "activity", I'm famous around here for obsessing with a study of it. The advent of Google was the greatest technological advance of my era (at least for me). If you have ANY questions about junk like this please let me know. I may not be able to do anything with it, but for a guy who dropped out of high school to become an actor I have a lot of this sort of information. I can't write poetry, but I sure as hell can talk about it.
Now as to the rondel (I may be spelling that wrong, I can't see the poem from here) I mentioned before that most of my smaller poems are experiments in new forms and as I don't seem to have an appropriate one lying around, I think I'll give it a go. You will have to be patient with me. The gest rightfully demands the lion's share of my "poetry time" and since I am a storyteller and not a poet, it may take me a little while. But I always manage to get there, so I will copy your description and be off. In the meantime, do me a favor...look into your descriptions and see if they discuss meter requirements as opposed to syllable count.
Admiring you more day by day, wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

I have not found a definition of Swinburne's Roundel that asks for strict meter; only syllable count.

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-roundel/ http://www.volecentral.co.uk/vf/roundel.htm

It appears that meter varies in his own work on a regular basis. I will look forward to your Roundel and will work on my line in this one. I understand stressed and unstressed syllables due to meter and I guess the best reference is, when in doubt, look it up.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/beyond

I will work on this a bit more.

 

Thank you again.  ~Pamela

 

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author comment

Let Us
Let us create poetry,
Of our contemporary times,
We wouldn't like to disown…
Creativity is no slave of mankind
Nor subservient to past notions…

Let’s create a plant
Called creation
And
Not live alone in glorified jubilation
Of times and poets
Since buried aeons passed.

To current times
We should remain married
And
Leave behind a poetic legacy…
Likewise to be buried.

Just my view,
I say for you,
As you are really creative.
Loved

loved

You are kind and I too say, write with the language of the day. Most appreciated. ~Pamela

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