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fengzheng

Wind whispers with her love affair
to wings spread wide and unaware
of songs that breathe soft melody
when nothing else can quite compare.

Her laughter trickles wild and free
for bright red lines on his marquee
to sway and bob his serpent's tail
mid cherry blossom potpourri.

Such sweet embrace will soon curtail
and leave us breathless to exhale
this dragon's romance on spring air
with string-tied kites for gusts to sail.

.
.
.
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.
.
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REFERENCE: fengzheng - "The Kite"
http://www.chinavista.com/experience/kite/kite.html

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Interlocking Rubáiyát

An "Interlocking Rubáiyát" is a Rubáiyát where the subsequent stanza rhymes its 1st, 2nd, and 4th lines with the sound at the end of the 3rd line in the stanza (Rubá'íyah) before it. In this form, the 3rd line of the final stanza is also rhymed with the 3 rhymed lines in the first stanza.
This leads to a form like this example with three stanzas; note that the Rubáiyát" is allowed an unlimited number of stanzas, so extend the pattern as needed:

a
a - 2nd line rhymes with the first.
b
a - 4th line rhymes with the first and second.

b - 1st line rhymes with the third in the previous stanza.
b - 2nd line rhymes with the first.
c
b - 4th line rhymes with the first and second.

c - 1st line rhymes with the third in the previous stanza.
c - 2nd line rhymes with the first.
a - 3rd line rhymes with the first in the opening stanza.
c - 4th line rhymes with the first and second.

Reference: http://www.baymoon.com/~ariadne/form/rubaiyat.htm

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Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
One Edit
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Comments

One of the nice things about this site is that someone like me, who knows very little about formal poetry, gets to learn a lot.
I didnt know that the Rubáiyát was in fact a FORM of poetry, and had never HEARD of an "Interlocking Rubáiyát" before now. So I learned something new myself, today. Thank you for that.

Coming to your poem, I enjoyed the sense of soaring freedom in your write... you bring the kites to life, and do it so gracefully within the rules of the form of Interlocking Rubáiyát.

I appreciated this one for both, its beauty of form and its innate imagery.

Psyve

I am pleased you found this to your liking. I have always loved this form.
So pleased you found your flight enjoyable.
Thank you again. ~Pamela

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author comment

and beautifully written, Pamela.

Such discipline, yet feeling so effortless, is a sure sign of mastery.

I would be an utter bastard and a total pedant to point out its only minuscule flaw-
They fondle each in grand detail
places a forced stress on the final syllable of detail. I reduce myself by even mentioning it.
[grins]

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

You are correct, there is forced stress on that word and you know what? There shouldn't be. Thank you for catching it. I can read this a thousand times, but never as fresh as a fresh pair of eyes.

I have edited this piece and would love for you to take another look at your convenience.

Thank you again. ~Pamela

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author comment

I am glad you are finding the forms to your liking. I love formal verse. Thank you again.

~Pamela

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author comment

explanation of the form, I went back to read this again, and enjoyed it all the more. Thanks for taking the time to enlighten us. I do believe that I shall try this form sometime soon. You made the flight of the kite, and the breeze the holds it aloft, very visual. ~ Gee

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Even if you just say: I liked this story or your spelling
of a word is wrong, take the time to write a line or two
and comment. Your fellow poets will thank you!
.

Such a kind comment. I am pleased you enjoyed this form and the light love story. Thank you again. ~Pamela

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You are kind to say such things and I am grateful for the compliment. So pleased you enjoyed this lite little love affair. *smile* Sometimes, simply simple makes for good verse. We all need it now and again. Thank you so much. I have yet to stop by your page, but rest assured, I will. ~Pamela

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Not just the detail I mentioned but the other revisions really enhance this.

I always get a frisson of pleasure watching the evolution of a poem.

You should certainly upgrade this from rough draft to polished.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Thank you for such a keen eye and mostly for pointing it out so that I could make the correction. Most most most appreciated. ~Pamela

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author comment

the original write to the revisions?
Just click on Revisions under the title.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

You are too too kind. Thank you. ~Pamela

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author comment

Pam, your form is always impeccable to me, this reads with such a lovely flow and the miniscule problem Jess picked up on is totally lost on a free verser like me so I will just continue to enjoy your words.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

I am so pleased for your comment on this one. So glad you enjoyed. ~Pamela

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author comment

That works. Blimey that works.

___________

Nah pop no style, a strickly roots.

Thank you. Thank you so much. ~Pamela

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you always take my breath away when you write form like this.
Your flow is effortless.

~Juls~

"While I'm writing, I'm far away;
and when I come back, I've gone."
— Pablo Neruda

You are too king. Thank you so much. ~Pamela

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You know, Ludwig spent his whole life struggling to produce what lil' Wolfgang slapped out in the sandbox. That perfect combination between mathematical perfection and the loveliness of the melody. You MUST be, among your myriad of talents, a mathematician. I have to be honest and say just reading your description for this form gave me a headache. The complexity would take me hours to hone to the point I could BEGIN to consider a poem. And then...with no understanding of the form necessary, the poem is beautiful. I would weep, not for the beauty of the poem, but for raw greed and unattractive jealousy to watch you turn math into melody.
You really are something.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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The Interlocking Rubáiyát is one of my favorite forms and truly, not as complicated as you might think. I do love the challenge of form.

Thank you again. I am so pleased you enjoyed this one. ~Pamela

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