Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
That's how it is (Edited)
A single leaf on a tree
Braves snow and wind
My strength
Before it falls
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words:
This poem takes this form because of the creative inputs from Theo and Anna. Thank you guys. I love it more now.
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Nordic cloud
Mon, 2011-05-02 13:23
Dear Samaira
And yet it made a poem,
it lasted long enough
to give you its last gasp of existence
and now is made immortal with your pen.
Love Ann of Norway.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Samaira
Tue, 2011-05-03 06:40
:-)
Yes Ann,
It indeed gave me food for thought.. and words for my pen.
regards
Samaira
Keep smiling, keep shining.
magics02
Mon, 2011-05-02 13:26
Lovely
Nice short and sweet. A lot of feeling for me.
Nice to welcome you also
Ms Mona
Samaira
Tue, 2011-05-03 06:41
Thanks for liking it.
Thanks for liking it.
Cheers
Samaira.
Keep smiling, keep shining.
Janice Pearce
Wed, 2011-05-04 18:49
Samaira
Short, yet packed a punch!
raj
Wed, 2011-05-04 23:08
Samiara
you keep amazing me with your power of expression ...like in this write you have expressed so much in so few words...one truly gets a feeling of sinking with the falling leaf...brilliant write to say the least...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Samaira
Fri, 2011-05-06 05:50
Janice and Raj
Thank you for the appreciation, it gives me the much needed encouragement to write.
Cheers and happy writing!
Samaira
Keep smiling, keep shining.
Samaira
Fri, 2011-05-06 07:01
Hello Rosina,
Yes I am an new member returning from the old site. Your warm welcome is appreciated.
I would like to evolve as a writer, hence I would need feedback and comments on my work. I would be glad to receive help from you.
About the poem.. I think that all human feelings may go through the cycle of being there and then not. but if the seed is planted somewhere deep down, it surely returns..
Thank you for your comment.
Regards,
Samaira.
Keep smiling, keep shining.
faerybeki
Fri, 2011-05-06 07:20
This is indeed how it is :)
This is indeed how it is :) what a perfect little write, I wouldn't add or change a word, much love Beki xxx
'God turns you from one feeling to another
and teaches by means of opposites,
so that you will have two wings to fly,
not one.' (...Rumi)
Samaira
Fri, 2011-05-13 08:19
Hello Beki
Its strange that I read your comment just today.. Many thanks for the appreciation.
Cheers
Sam.
Keep smiling, keep shining.
Samaira
Wed, 2011-05-11 05:06
The nature of the tree was
The nature of the tree was never a topic of my write.
The write was about the persistence of the single leaf against odds, and by looking at that leaf, I got strength to carry on. When it falls (inevitable during winters when all trees shed their leaves), a feeling of sadness grips me.
It was supposed to be a disappointment, and with the use of 'Alas', I tried to end it that way.
And I thought , by the comments of other members, that the message was conveyed... till i read your comment.
A sincere request :
I know for sure that my work is far from perfection, but I also know that all of it is not entirely bad. I would appreciate that once u write a crit, if you would also point out any good thing(s) about it along with the many weaknesses, it would probably not give me the feeling of despondency and motivate me to write better. If you only tell me about my weaknesses and not about the promising points about my writes, you would probably kill the budding writer inside me.
Another thing that you might want to consider is the fact that not everyone in the world has English as his native language, and the improvisation in writing might take slightly longer for them.
Keep smiling, keep shining.
Eduardo Cruz
Wed, 2011-05-11 00:32
Sam
we seek strength from different things in life, but the true power lie's inside our very being. If we simply love who we are.
You showed great power in this write and everyone sees it except for one. so I say the majority rules. trust that you have good writing skills that need little improvement here and there. Your ability to convey emotions is a great start, no matter what someone else might say.
Truly enjoyed this first time reading you.
it's my pleasure to have you in Splash Pool thanks for joining!
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Samaira
Wed, 2011-05-11 05:13
Thanks Dear Eddie
for rekindling my motivation to write. I was beginning to feel that probably I should put my pen down and first read the theory behind writing poems.
A child doesn't know how to walk.. he starts learning. It is obvious that he will fall. If the elders only tell him that he didn't take the step correctly,, and emphasize only his weakness, the child will obviously lose heart. If the elders help him get up and explain why he fell, that would probably be better for the growth of the child.
I am glad to be in the Pool with you Eddie, and I hope I will get out of it as a better writer.
Cheers!
Sam.
Keep smiling, keep shining.
Kailashana2
Fri, 2011-05-13 08:32
A slight change for your
A slight change for your consideration. A really good poem, caught in the mind's eye and the heart's space.
~A
A single leaf on a tree
Braves snow and wind
Before it falls
(as it must)
My strength.
Samaira
Fri, 2011-05-13 09:29
'Single' ?
I am wondering if the use of this word is necessary?
regards
Sam.
Keep smiling, keep shining.
Eduardo Cruz
Fri, 2011-05-13 08:59
Sam
I like Anna's suggestion!
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Samaira
Fri, 2011-05-13 09:27
I am amazed
how the change of a word makes more meaning of the write!
Will change it.
Many thanks Anna.
Regards
Sam.
Keep smiling, keep shining.
Kailashana2
Fri, 2011-05-13 09:49
A poem I wrote in 1971 or 72.
A poem I wrote in 1971 or 72.
Leaf
Bleak day that you are, I do not want,
Winds blistering away at me, I do not believe,
Lonely leaf on barren tree, unsacrificed by time, I do not see,
I stare upon a warm of long ago and still you cling to be,
Revenge taking its moment's indecision, lonely leaf no longer seeks her individuality,
Accept what is to be, spiral down, ballerina and rest upon the ground,
You will again be when I no longer can be me.
~A
Nordic cloud
Mon, 2011-06-06 03:24
Dear Samaira
I'll add my banal bit, having thought about this thought provoking theme:-
Last leaf
you brave the winters winds and snow
defiantly
you disappear and yet you give
your strength to me.
Not a Haïku of course.
I saw three leaves on a tree at Christmas and wrote this:-
Three leaves left on a tree
winter solstice
trinity
Well it was just my thoughts and my love to you Ann
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Samaira
Tue, 2011-06-07 02:59
Dear Ann
Thank you for sending your love and thoughts to me. I am indeed amazed that just by changing a few words, we can look at the same poem in an entirely different perspective! For example here you have transformed the essence of the poem from sadness to hope and courage.
Thanks a lot.. Merci beaucoup.
Regards
Sam.
Keep smiling, keep shining.
Race_9togo
Tue, 2011-06-07 04:29
Hi Samaira
I like this little poem of yours. The suggestion of the use of the word "single" was a good one.
I would also try swapping the last two lines, so they read
"My strength
Before it falls"
I think this might sharpen the focus of the meaning, perhaps.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Samaira
Tue, 2011-06-07 16:43
Hello Jim
Thanks for your suggestion. It indeed reads better with the last two lines swapped !
Would love to receive your comments on my other writes as well.. after all, the essence of writing is to be read.
Regards
Sam.
Keep smiling, keep shining.