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Raindrops fall.
I stretch my arm out,
feel them on my palm
now wet with rain,
the familiar coldness,
your thoughts
that run across my mind.
The raindrops turn warm
and I wipe my cheeks.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 


the complexity of cold and warmth extends this beyond the simple effectiveness of the words.

So, so effective. I'm very sorry I can offer no crit or suggestion on this powerful, evocative piece.

A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

I am happy to see you Jess, after so long. I hope to continue on this wonderful journey of words. For improvement, I would need your feedback.

Keep smiling, keep shining.

author comment

I like this too very much. the image and vision, the emotion..the cold and the warm..the tears. wish i could write more but having a time of it now.
nice to meet you also


for the encouraging words- they mean a lot to a budding writer like me.
Nice to meet you too. It feels good to return to this awesome place.


Keep smiling, keep shining.

author comment

absolute fiction. :-)
I love being back here. This is the first write up in two years. Had a few health complications, a surgery, and a lot of things that kept me busy..
but.. better late than never!

Hoping to write more.

Samaira (Samie)

Keep smiling, keep shining.

author comment

Feels strange for a relative newbie to welcome back a relative "old timer" lol
I agree with Jess...............pause for gasp of disbelief lol............about the Japanese feel. Had you considered : Raindrops fall for 1st line?........................scribbler

seems befitting. Thanks for the suggestion.


Keep smiling, keep shining.

author comment

in a few lines you have expressed so much emotion....that's what struck me most about this write...looking forward to read more of your writes..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks for the appreciation. I am still learning.. every comment matters.

Happy writing!

Keep smiling, keep shining.

author comment

As Jess says it has an oriental flavour
which makes the understanding of it deeper in meaning
than at first we seem to grasp.
It goes on and still goes on,
and has a timelessness too-
I love it Samaira. Very special.

Love Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

I am so glad that the work is appreciated by such good writers.
Thanks for your lovely comment.


Keep smiling, keep shining.

author comment

A complex and beatiful piece of writing. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Yes my idea was to convey a complex emotion in as few words as I could.. The drizzle outside just seemed to help :-)

Thanks for your appreciation.


Keep smiling, keep shining.

author comment

Firstly, I must tell you that I did not write this poem in Japanese style . Otherwise the poem description would not have said 'freeform'. so, I have no surprise here that the syllables don't match any oriental writing style.

Secondly, nobody said that it is written in oriental format, What I could garner from the comments was that it had an oriental touch to it. Those comments actually made me read about the Japanese style of writing. So, I thought that indeed, by reading the comments, I was learning. I had never known about that writing style before, and had it not been for the comments, I would probably not have known.

Thirdly, I wish to ask you the meaning of the term 'muddled' in the context that you have used it in your comment. I think the syllable pattern obviously wouldn't follow the oriental style.

Finally, I think that you have critiqued this poem as if some professional writer has written it and not kept the fact in mind that I have just started writing.

Name any great writer and I can guarantee that his very first works were not as highly appreciated as the eventual ones.. the idea is to learn, not to be perfect. Because perfection is a relative term, and in my humble opinion, can never be achieved.

Thanks and regards

Keep smiling, keep shining.

author comment

In the practice of zen, in the negative space of art, it is what is missing that provides the essence, the flavour in zen-like poetry is the ability to convey emotion with as few words as possible. You have done well here, Samaira.

A variation on your theme:

rain drops fall
into my palms
the familiar coldness
of your thoughts
run across my mind.
turn warm
and I wipe my cheeks


Thank you very much for your encouraging comment on my work. I will save your suggestion on the new format of the poem in my diary. For this space, I let the original form remain, because when I read the poem as I wrote it, and then I read the comments, I will always remember the lessons.

I just wrote the raw thoughts as they came in my mind. After reading your comment, I will look up for more works in Zen. So that I know more about it.

Thanks to comments like yours- that explain the essence before pointing out the mistakes, and then help to rectify them, budding writers like me get the confidence to write more and improve.


Keep smiling, keep shining.

author comment
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