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blind
Turn from the dark
Hide from the night
Silently creep out of site
Yell out let the silent darkness break
tear away the pitch that hides the world
rejoice open your eyes
take in all the wonders that lay before
blinding colour sensations anew
a reality that me being never new
senses over all overwhelmed by what was never know
colours, shapes movements, lights
Eyes whirling turning to capture it all
Take in all that's new !!!!!!
Seeing this world from a untainted view
Each step taken each every moment savoured
Take it all in for all is new
Each glance a new discovery
of hope and dreams to come
a thousand memories yet to live
BLIND NO MORE
the darkness nothing more than an eye-sore
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Tue, 2011-03-15 14:00
oh please please please truthseeka
be very careful of poems written in the second person. It is a razor sharp edge where they can teeter into exhortation, preaching or [shudders] inspirational. It smacks of hubris and condescension.
Do get me wrong, I love the vitality and exuberance of this piece and it is well written but I think it would be far more effective written from the first person as an epiphany. Especially if you can hint at a trigger. I mean people leading dull grey lives don't see someone wearing a t-shirt that says "don't worry, be happy" and suddenly start doing it.
How did you find this? Share it.
the line
senses over all overwhelmed by what was never know
is over long and cumbersome, you could edit that.
Also one exclamation mark is always sufficient, 5 is definitely a sign of psychosis (just kidding, about the psychosis)
and the caps
BLIND NO MORE
are superfluous, the words themselves are strong enough.
As I said, I do love the intensity and vitality of your writing.
cheers,
Jess
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