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mercury.

Submitted by Celso G. Tertins on Thu, 2022-10-06 18:38

on crowded highways civilization flows
a stream of mercury that gleams,
thick, it goes heavy and rather slow,
a silver unraveling,
highly toxic
but at times, quite captivating.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week Contest October 2nd to October 8th 2022
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

Thu, 2022-10-06 20:41

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
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Outstanding metaphor. I’ll never not think of it that way again. It’s branded in there

Celso G. Tertins

Fri, 2022-10-07 03:44

Celso G. Tertins's picture

thank you tim!

author comment

Lavender

Fri, 2022-10-07 10:38

Lavender's picture
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Hello, Celso,
You have a gift in creating compelling poetry from everyday city and urban sights and sounds. May I ask, why the punctuation? I agree, this is superb.
Thank you,
L

Celso G. Tertins

Fri, 2022-10-07 16:33

Celso G. Tertins's picture

i composed the piece when i was walking home during the rush hour and i was quite out of breath, must have translated when i typed the piece. agreed, it is quite confusing. i will rectify it, thanks for the suggestion.

author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2022-10-07 16:07

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is stunning! I see it as a great wave of slow-moving brilliance and overpowering tidal wave! Humanity will eventually spread throughout the universe and the captivation may mesmerize anyone in our way, unless they are moved to destroy us before they are overwhelmed. Great write! ~ Geezer .
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