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///
ice melts
fog rises
the pond is gone
frightened
wings swooshing
geese have landed
I am
still running
shores of my past
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Tue, 2018-02-13 14:12
Mow I understand that why in
Mow I understand that why in a comment to Stan you had humorously mentioned that at times you start from end to beginning which seems to be the case here because your stanza # 3 is very powerful and i believe the heart of this poem for which obviously you have preferred not to have any specific Title...
Regards...
PS I believe npo one other than me is using the "select if your comment is your official critique" option...
raj (sublime_ocean)
raj
Wed, 2018-05-30 15:52
I stand corrected...there is
I stand corrected...there is indeed a title which graphically shows "shores"...clever use of graphic
.................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
weirdelf
Tue, 2018-05-29 23:24
Doctor Who
would be proud of you.
And yes, we are.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
scribbler
Wed, 2018-05-30 15:48
OK
Critique has already been given so I'll just point to a typo :either geese have or goose has......stan
IRiz
Wed, 2018-05-30 16:17
thank you, very much!
thank you, very much!
corrected
IRiz
lovedly
Wed, 2018-05-30 17:25
i'd rather be happy
reading more
like forty pages
not such melted rages
from a pen which has the solarly ink
which makes eyes blink
and
the likes of stan and lovedly
have to only think