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禅
simple
peaceful
living within
focused
unwordly
moving upstream
steady
solitude
please not again
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
Last few words:
禅 means zen, and also simple, peaceful, unwordly
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Tue, 2018-02-13 14:14
Great poem and example of
Great poem and example of making the reader read between the lines without any disconnect between the three stanzas of this Sunku...a good lesson for me....
Regards...
raj (sublime_ocean)
IRiz
Tue, 2018-02-13 15:27
Thank you
Thank you
IRiz
scribbler
Tue, 2018-02-13 18:58
Hmmm....Hmmm.....
Without the title it would be difficult to discern the meaning of this poem. Good thing you put what the Japanese symbol means. This one also displays the flexibility of syllable count allowable in this poem...............stan
IRiz
Tue, 2018-02-13 19:12
Think about not precise
Think about not precise meaning of words but associated memories and feelings then you will guess what is it about
IRiz
scribbler
Wed, 2018-02-14 09:48
too late lol
With the title's definition I'd already figured it out
IRiz
Wed, 2018-02-14 10:39
Yep that is me,
Yep that is me,
Often too late
Seldom in time
A Quine of repeats,
A killer of rhymes.
IRiz
weirdelf
Tue, 2018-05-29 23:20
That last line really makes it!
I've just been re-reading "Sophie's World", I think I told you, and this reminds me of the vast gulf between the cultural/social/ spiritual mileux of our ancient values based in polytheism and classical Greek rationalism, which led to the Scientific method and that vile, goat-fucking Ibrahamic tradition (Chritianity, Islam and judaism) that all but replaced it.
We move upstream, against the current, never crossing the same river twice and those mad Arabs told us there was one god and he fucked up our creation so drowned us all once then sent his son to die for our sins (yes, the bastard believes in human sacrifice).
Perhaps I'm reading too much into this but
'please not again'
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
IRiz
Tue, 2018-05-29 23:31
You are right on a spot.
You are right on a spot. Thank you for the elaborate excursion into your brain. Loved it.
IRiz
lovedly
Tue, 2018-05-29 23:19
Wonderful needn't be precise
Do read
SUNKU
''HAYNAKU''
and PARI Style
new creativity in Poetry
I posted here not many did endear I fear
IRiz
Tue, 2018-05-29 23:32
Good night to you too
Good night to you too
IRiz