About workshops

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Renga By the Pool

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Thu, 2014-05-08 16:22

Status:

Concluded

Program description/goal:

Description: This is a meeting place for all poets on Neopoet to come and post verses of poetry to "Eternal Renga" So, come as a group or individual and post your verses anytime. This is an ongoing collaborative effort that could go on for hundreds of verses. A truly Neopoet group effort. Let's co-operate to create a truly Neopoet poem.

Leader: Barbara Writes
Moderator(s):

Objectives: To have everyone at Neopoet collaborating a Renga poem.

Level of expertise: Open to all.

Subject matter: "Each person write a verse, alternately senryu or haiku 5-7-5 syllables then a couplet of 7-7 syllables"
I can only say that the rules can not be strictly applied when writing in English. Japanese has such a completely different sound structure, grammar and even thematic considerations considered appropriate for poetry. So we have simplified it.

Alternate 3 line verses of
5-7-5 syllables like a haiku or senryu
and 2 line verses of
7--7 syllables.
Syllable Counter: http://www.poetrysoup.com/haiku_syllable_counter/

We just ask you read the preceding verses to try to maintain some thematic coherency.

As such feel free to introduce modern, western themes, but read what has been written before and make it relevant, please.

Length:

7 days

Number of participants (limit):

10 people

Participants:

Skill level:

Date:

Sunday, May 11, 2014 to Sunday, May 18, 2014

Comments

raj

Thu, 2014-05-08 16:34

Barbara

Thanks for starting a fresh Renga. You already got me addicted after participating in the recent one :)

I will respond after the first one is posted in this thread.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Thu, 2014-05-08 18:25

raj

Okay, we will start the discussion on Haiku Sunday May 11. We will compare senryu with haiku to emphasize the differences between the two. That way we will get better clarity in Haiku writing. Afterward one of the haiku written will start the renga. As for now, we are in enrollment waiting for others who may have interest in joining. I try not to assume anyone would want to join. Therefore, I wait for their Pm or visit here..

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Ian.T

Thu, 2014-05-08 18:45

Barbara

Just pop my name on the list please as I have a few years spare,
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Barbara Writes

Thu, 2014-05-08 18:48

Ian

Most happy to.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Ian.T

Thu, 2014-05-08 19:11

Barbara

It is now 00-02 here in the UK so I will be off to sleep soon,
You take care and have a lovely time for the rest of your day.
Time here at this moment as each evening flows like a fast mountain stream, it gives me little time to take notice of most things that go on around me.
The children are busy at the moment, I shall have to ask them if they will watch over those girls in Nigeria, I looked and the tears came to my eyes, so the news is not good.
Sadie has said it will be hard for us here to help them, as they are now dispersed and many have been received, by Sadie and her fellow young ones, I think she means that many have perished there and they are looking after them,
It is painful for us here but we will just have to carry on with the tasks we can and have to do.
Take care young Lady and many blessings be yours,
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Barbara Writes

Thu, 2014-05-08 19:12

Ian

nice night

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Ian.T

Thu, 2014-05-08 19:30

Haiku

Listen Bluebells ring
This Spring is becoming old
Shall we taste Summer

I miss the Snowdrops pure sight
I love these new days of warmth

Night bird Sparrow loves you all

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Barbara Writes

Thu, 2014-05-08 20:45

Haiku

Listen Bluebells ring
This Spring is becoming old
Shall we taste Summer

I really love this. It is beautifully written. I think though it's more of a senryu. When writing a senryu or haiku there are key words that should be considered.
The key words here are "listen" "we",and "taste". These three words have human tones to them implying a senryu instead of a haiku.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Ian.T

Fri, 2014-05-09 04:38

Barbara

This is what is called a Hybrid Haiku, it is a mix of Both Haiku and Senryu..
It is very hard to write a pure Haiku in the English way of words, I think most of mine are Hybrids, as they mention not only the season but a human side.
We will have to see what is written for us on this one,
Yours Ian.T
Pure Haiku:-
Bluebells ring changes
The warm sunshine makes it true
Summer is renewed

Nests in dense leafy bowers
Forgotten April showers

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Barbara Writes

Fri, 2014-05-09 05:18

Ian

Thanks, I will familiar myself with hybrid a little later. The workshop is designed to help poets get a better sense of a haiku, I would like to concentrate on haiku since it is so hard to write in English words. Practice makes perfect.

You have done just that with this verse.
A pure haiku. There are no human qualities here.

Bluebells ring changes
The warm sunshine makes it true
Summer is renewed

Bird of a feather
in tall tree top rebuild nest
lay finest blue eggs

Your couplet is perfectly match with your haiku. Excellent tanka

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Barbara Writes

Fri, 2014-05-09 05:40

My favorite haiku

The beautiful pink cherry tree in my backyard lost it pink blooms. The rosy red azalea in my front yard turn my winter blues springy. My summer fun, while songs of birds outside my living room window bring joy to my heart and yellow pollen takes away my voice.

Pink cherry blossom
rosy red azalea bush
blue birds mating calls

winter has pass- spring is gone
summer pollen takes my voice

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

alidzain

Sat, 2014-05-10 13:30

Hi Barbara

Don't you mean your favorite tanka? As I recall once you add a couplet to a haiku it becomes a tanka.

here's my haiku

A gust of wind blew,
the trees greet with rustling leaves
the birds' dance renewed

Alid

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2014-05-11 00:48

alid

you are exactly right. I said haiku because we are concentrating on haiku. I just added the couplet bc it gave me the opportunity to express more of the image I wanted to portray
A perfect Haiku and it flow well with my tanka.. I see we gonna write a perfect renga with just haiku verses.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2014-05-11 22:34

Another haiku close to my heart... Simba and Mufafa

Deep in the jungle
the king raises his head high
roaring from the throne

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2014-05-11 01:30

The Renga will be underway tomorrow

Alid started us off the first time. I think raj should start us off this time with his first haiku. Then alid, ian and me will follow. David hasn't check in yet therefore, David can post his haiku here for discussion before it's added to renga 7. Participants will continued to be admitted up to Friday. Then we'll be winding down for closing Monday May 19, 2014

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

raj

Sun, 2014-05-11 05:01

Barbara

As proposed by you, I have attempted this Haiku to kick off the next workshop on Renga

The brook serenades
lullaby to a willow
to sooth its weeping

this could be followed by this seven syllable couplet

It's drooping branches in cheer
rustle a sigh of relief

please review it to see if it would be a good theme

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2014-05-11 12:01

raj

this is great

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

raj

Sun, 2014-05-11 15:49

Barbara

Nice to get your nod of approval. Thanks..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

alidzain

Sun, 2014-05-11 11:30

Hi, everyone

got to pass my turn for later. My mind's a blank now.

Alid

Ian.T

Sun, 2014-05-11 12:06

Barbara next part

All buds are bursting
The willow sweeps the grass
Dew drops make rainbows

Warm rain floats in the quiet air
Seeking dry roots hiding there.

As Alid is busy I have put this one together.
Have a lovely day out there, Yours Ian x

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

raj

Sun, 2014-05-11 15:49

Ian

this is truly an exquisite addition...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2014-05-11 22:35

Ian

I second raj comment

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

alidzain

Sun, 2014-05-11 12:45

hope this works

the raised old branches
welcoming sunlight and rain
for life to prosper

when the summer breeze returns
virgin leaves twirl in a dance

raj

Sun, 2014-05-11 15:50

Alid

good to know you have joined the party...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2014-05-11 22:36

Alid

Works perfectly

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

IKnowNoBox

Sun, 2014-05-11 15:48

I am somewhat ready

Though I am on the tail end of a flu.. so my mechanism is stuffy.

In ink,
David

raj

Sun, 2014-05-11 15:51

David

Thanks for a peek even though you are recovering from a touch of flu...get well soon and take a jump in this pool...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

alidzain

Sun, 2014-05-11 16:19

Hi David

Take care. no need to rush.We still got time.

Alid

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2014-05-11 22:43

David

Glad you can make it.. Hope you continue to recover. I too am on the tail end of laryngitis. Been sick a couple of weeks now. My voice still chappy and hoarse.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

IKnowNoBox

Sun, 2014-05-11 15:54

A try

trim the grass for play
bring out the picnic table
start the Bar-B-Que

bring together ones neighbors
for celebration and rays

raj

Sun, 2014-05-11 16:16

David

you must be feeling better now since you are already thinking of a barbeque party...a small suggestion...

you need to add an apostrophe in "ones "

how about "for a warm celebration"? just a thought...

good to know the party here is warming up...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

IKnowNoBox

Sun, 2014-05-11 16:16

edit*

trim the grass for play
bring out the picnic table
start the Bar-B-Que

bring together one's neighbors
for a warm celebration

Indeed that was some fine critique. Thank you.

raj

Sun, 2014-05-11 16:18

David

Not a big deal to make suggestion...we are in this workshop together...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2014-05-11 21:58

David

This is a great senryu. Human qualities make this a senryu. Since we are concentrating on haiku in this workshop, I'm confident you can write an equally great haiku..
A human would trim the grass, bring out the picnic table and start the barbeque. A Lovely summer senryu. I'm looking forward to attending a barbecue somewhere this summer...

trim the grass for play
bring out the picnic table
start the Bar-B-Que

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Barbara Writes

Mon, 2014-05-12 00:03

Hi everbody

The workshop is officially underway. Thanks for the discussions and great Haikus so far... Renga 7 is ready for the third addition..all the haiku so far are great ones. So, who want to add their haiku/tanka to renga 7 under mine .. Remember we are only adding haikus to renga 7, no senryus...David I'm looking forward to your wonderful senryu "edited" becoming a haiku.

Who wants to add the third haiku/tanka? Repost in comment.Ian, alid you up next.

The brook serenades
lullaby to a willow
to sooth its weeping

It's drooping branches in cheer
rustle a sigh of relief

Pink cherry blossoms
and rosy red azaleas
blue birds sing, mating

winter has pass, spring beyond
summer pollen takes my voice

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Ian.T

Mon, 2014-05-12 02:20

Barbara just a little help

The brook serenades
lullaby to a willow
to sooth its weeping
It's drooping branches in cheer
rustle a sigh of relief

All buds are bursting
The willow sweeps the grass
Dew drops make rainbows
Warm rain floats in the quiet air
Seeking dry roots hiding there.

Pink cherry blossoms
and rosy red azaleas
blue birds sing, mating
winter has pass, spring beyond
summer pollen takes my voice

the raised old branches
welcoming sunlight and rain
for life to prosper
when the summer breeze returns
virgin leaves twirl in a dance

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Barbara Writes

Tue, 2014-05-13 01:38

Thanks Ian

Beautifully placed.

Renga 7

The brook serenades
lullaby to a willow
to sooth its weeping
It's drooping branches in cheer
rustle a sigh of relief

All buds are bursting
The willow sweeps the grass
Dew drops make rainbows
Warm rain floats in the quiet air
Seeking dry roots hiding there.

Pink cherry blossoms
and rosy red azaleas
blue birds sing, mating
winter has pass, spring beyond
summer pollen takes my voice

the raised old branches
welcoming sunlight and rain
for life to prosper
when the summer breeze returns
virgin leaves twirl in a dance

rays of light beckon
delightful perfumed breezes
young animals rut

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Barbara Writes

Mon, 2014-05-12 02:52

David

Your turn. Get your first haiku in afterward anybody will post in no particular order.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

raj

Mon, 2014-05-12 04:44

Hi David

Since Barbara has mentioned that the present workshop is Haiku based she has proposed that you replace your Senryu with a Haiku. In view of this, I am attempting to suggest you the alternative below. See if it works for you.

Squirrels collect nuts
Busy Bees gather honey
It's time to freak out.

Butterflies dance like maidens
adorned in fanciest gowns

raj (sublime_ocean)

IKnowNoBox

Mon, 2014-05-12 12:13

Works for me.

I am all for it, I am just a despot for senyru I guess I can't get the form out of my head. Hehe Arg.

IKnowNoBox

Mon, 2014-05-12 13:50

another try

rays of light beckon
delightful perfumed breezes
young animals rut

(needs two couplets I am tapped)

Barbara Writes

Tue, 2014-05-13 01:44

David's

Works well

Renga 7

The brook serenades
lullaby to a willow
to sooth its weeping
It's drooping branches in cheer
rustle a sigh of relief

All buds are bursting
The willow sweeps the grass
Dew drops make rainbows
Warm rain floats in the quiet air
Seeking dry roots hiding there.

Pink cherry blossoms
and rosy red azaleas
blue birds sing, mating
winter has pass, spring beyond
summer pollen takes my voice

the raised old branches
welcoming sunlight and rain
for life to prosper
when the summer breeze returns
virgin leaves twirl in a dance

rays of light beckon
delightful perfumed breezes
young animals rut

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

raj

Mon, 2014-05-12 15:33

David

This is a lovely haiku and also in the context of the theme...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

raj

Mon, 2014-05-12 16:08

Adding 2 liners to David's Haiku

Birds are stirring in their nests
butterflies flirting with blooms

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Tue, 2014-05-13 01:45

Raj

You are wonderful to add a great couplet

Renga 7

The brook serenades
lullaby to a willow
to sooth its weeping
It's drooping branches in cheer
rustle a sigh of relief

All buds are bursting
The willow sweeps the grass
Dew drops make rainbows
Warm rain floats in the quiet air
Seeking dry roots hiding there.

Pink cherry blossoms
and rosy red azaleas
blue birds sing, mating
winter has pass, spring beyond
summer pollen takes my voice

the raised old branches
welcoming sunlight and rain
for life to prosper
when the summer breeze returns
virgin leaves twirl in a dance

rays of light beckon
delightful perfumed breezes
young animals rut
Birds are stirring in their nests
butterflies flirting with blooms

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Barbara Writes

Tue, 2014-05-13 01:51

Wonderful thing

The great thing about renga is you don't have to add just a tanka. You can add just the haiku or just the two liner. It's a wonderful way to learn poetry writing and make lasting friendships

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

raj

Tue, 2014-05-13 15:20

Barbara

I couldn't agree with you more..this collaborative workshop in fun..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

raj

Wed, 2014-05-14 06:11

Adding a Tanka

While Sun sweeps the sky
shadows shorten then lengthen
tanning green fields brown

Some flowers bloomed while some paled
some laid to rest unnoticed

raj (sublime_ocean)

Ian.T

Tue, 2014-05-13 18:13

This Tanka

Raj,
Alid is right the word "bloomed" is one syllable but seems like two, just add while to the first line:-
Some flowers bloomed while some paled..
I loved this one it showed space and time, I will have to note where we are during the next day or so, or I may miss my slot..
Take care all of you, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Barbara Writes

Tue, 2014-05-13 18:16

Raj

Another beautiful tanka. Great fit. I agree with Alid. A simple plug will work.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Barbara Writes

Tue, 2014-05-13 18:16

Raj

Another beautiful tanka. Great fit. I agree with Alid. A simple plug will work.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Barbara Writes

Thu, 2014-05-15 10:18

Thanks raj

Renga 7

The brook serenades
lullaby to a willow
to sooth its weeping
It's drooping branches in cheer
rustle a sigh of relief

All buds are bursting
The willow sweeps the grass
Dew drops make rainbows
Warm rain floats in the quiet air
Seeking dry roots hiding there.

Pink cherry blossoms
and rosy red azaleas
blue birds sing, mating
winter has pass, spring beyond
summer pollen takes my voice

the raised old branches
welcoming sunlight and rain
for life to prosper
when the summer breeze returns
virgin leaves twirl in a dance

rays of light beckon
delightful perfumed breezes
young animals rut
Birds are stirring in their nests
butterflies flirting with blooms

While Sun sweeps the sky
shadows shorten then lengthen
tanning green fields brown
Some flowers bloomed while some paled
some laid to rest unnoticed

i like the flow of summer here

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

alidzain

Tue, 2014-05-13 17:10

Raj

The first line of the couplet has only 6 syllable.

Alid

raj

Wed, 2014-05-14 06:15

Alid, Ian & Barbara

Alid,

Good catch. I have fixed it by adding "while" as proposed by Ian in the tanka posted above.

Ian & Barbara,

Good to know you liked it,

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

alidzain

Wed, 2014-05-14 06:18

Raj

make that 3 'cos I liked it too.

Alid

raj

Wed, 2014-05-14 06:22

Alid

Good to know you liked it too. Thanks for your time and re-visit

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Thu, 2014-05-15 22:08

the flow of summer like a river

Renga 7

The brook serenades
lullaby to a willow
to sooth its weeping
It's drooping branches in cheer
rustle a sigh of relief

All buds are bursting
The willow sweeps the grass
Dew drops make rainbows
Warm rain floats in the quiet air
Seeking dry roots hiding there.

Pink cherry blossoms
and rosy red azaleas
blue birds sing, mating
winter has pass, spring beyond
summer pollen takes my voice

the raised old branches
welcoming sunlight and rain
for life to prosper
when the summer breeze returns
virgin leaves twirl in a dance

rays of light beckon
delightful perfumed breezes
young animals rut
Birds are stirring in their nests
butterflies flirting with blooms

While Sun sweeps the sky
shadows shorten then lengthen
tanning green fields brown
Some flowers bloomed while some paled
some laid to rest unnoticed

briar prickly vines
berries along trailer trim
green red not yet black
Akin to adolescence
in youthful exuberance

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

raj

Thu, 2014-05-15 15:19

Barbara

Adding a couplet to your Haiku. See if it flows well..

Akin to adolescence
in youthful exuberance

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2014-05-18 23:25

teenage years like red berries

Renga 7

The brook serenades
lullaby to a willow
to sooth its weeping
It's drooping branches in cheer
rustle a sigh of relief

All buds are bursting
The willow sweeps the grass
Dew drops make rainbows
Warm rain floats in the quiet air
Seeking dry roots hiding there.

Pink cherry blossoms
and rosy red azaleas
blue birds sing, mating
winter has pass, spring beyond
summer pollen takes my voice

the raised old branches
welcoming sunlight and rain
for life to prosper
when the summer breeze returns
virgin leaves twirl in a dance

rays of light beckon
delightful perfumed breezes
young animals rut
Birds are stirring in their nests
butterflies flirting with blooms

While Sun sweeps the sky
shadows shorten then lengthen
tanning green fields brown
Some flowers bloomed while some paled
some laid to rest unnoticed

briar prickly vines
berries along trailer trim
green red not yet black
Akin to adolescence
in youthful exuberance

Beautiful sunshine
A warmth spreads over the earth
Shade is now so cool
Under this sun thrown shadow
Protected from summers glow

meadows keep secrets
while butterflies pollinate
in sunshine and rain
seeds find womb in fertile soil
awaiting their turn to sprout

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

raj

Fri, 2014-05-16 15:06

Barbara

Since you have included the couplet i take it that you approved it.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Fri, 2014-05-16 21:46

Yea I had to meditate hard

To see how it relates. I suppose teenage years spring and summer have correlate somehow. I suppose it all in the way you think about it. The couplet can be what you want it to be as long as it relate to the haiku before it.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

raj

Sat, 2014-05-17 03:25

Barbara

In the couplet I attempted to relate ripening of the berries as an adolescent stage full of youthful bursting exuberance, If you feel it does not go well with your Haiku, feel free to eliminate it.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2014-05-18 00:03

ian

its works good. its where I thought you were going

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Ian.T

Sun, 2014-05-18 03:37

Barbara a little more thought

Beautiful sunshine
A warmth spreads over the earth
Shade is now so cool
Under this sun thrown shadow
Protected from summers glow.

Take care out there what a way to go, poetry gone mad or is it just me Te He He, Yours, Yenti x

A season has arrived xx

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Barbara Writes

Fri, 2014-05-16 08:34

nice ian

a beautiful senryu. since we are focusing on haiku, would you give it an edit..

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Ian.T

Sat, 2014-05-17 03:20

barbara

Put the summer in there so now it is a Haiku, thanks for your over seeing role,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

raj

Sat, 2014-05-17 03:27

Ian

you have nicely changed the senryu to a haiku...liked it..

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2014-05-18 00:14

ian

Beautiful sunshine
A warmth spreads to (my) spirit * my is personal, a human tone, thus making it a senryu
Shade is now sought out

Under this sun thrown shadow
Protect me from summers glow.

sometimes one word can change the theme of a poem. here, you the person, seeks out the shade. for example, a animal or reptile seeking the shade would make it haiku.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Ian.T

Sun, 2014-05-18 03:39

In tears here

I have taken me out of the equation and made a plain Haiku.
Not fair when I cannot mention me aint I one of natures creatures lol,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2014-05-18 23:22

ian

Lol, I like the change in thought, though the next two lines of the haiku has a human feel to it. the impulse to add self is strong I know.. I think taking self completely out is what haiku is all about. I think it can be refreshing to concentrate on something beside our self. Key words like beautiful, warmth and cool is what we feel in this haiku. senryu is subtle but there.

Beautiful sunshine
A warmth spreads over the earth
Shade is now so cool
Under this sun thrown shadow
Protected from summers glow.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

raj

Sun, 2014-05-18 05:55

Barbara

sharing more for the Renga

meadows keep secrets
while butterflies pollinate
in sunshine and rain

seeds find womb in fertile soil
awaiting their turn to sprout

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Barbara Writes

Sun, 2014-05-18 23:58

this was a great renga week

thanks to all of you for joining and making the workshop a success. Learning to write haiku was fun and taking self out of the equation gives better insight and a natural connection to mother nature.