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Your Snoring
Your snoring always woke me up
And still does or
So I think when aroused from the
Arms of some mythological god whose
Name I can’t recall.
A torment to find the culprit me,
Because you’re not here,
You creator of sleepless angels you.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Roscoe Lane
Tue, 2012-10-02 03:13
We don't,
We don't often read about snoring, and it doesn't make up to many titles unless used in humour. But i think this works when read a few times, and i believe understood. One crit, or maybe advice i was given here on Neopoet, was to stop using upper case letters at the beginning of each line. But i still think this is good. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Ian.T
Tue, 2012-10-09 08:55
captjack
This is a compact piece that portrays a condition that becomes lost as the other half is not there, similar to the tree falling in the forest, if no one is there does it make a sound.???
One thing I will say this is the third comment on this piece so is it possible to answer those that have commented please, Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
captjack
Tue, 2012-10-09 22:22
Your Snoring
Death of a spouse.
Gerry
Gerald Walsh
author commentIan.T
Wed, 2012-10-10 02:46
Gerry
Then, to have lost so much where even your sleep is too quiet that is a loss indeed,
Can we have some memories of the other days, or is that memory still to be held so close that there is a fear that others may take them away.
These things are yours and will never fade, though you adjust to their loss and quieten them down, all the things that meant anything will be with you always,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
captjack
Wed, 2012-10-10 16:11
Your coments
Thank you for your kind thoughts, Ian. It's only been a year since Lindalee passed away. Sorry to all it this was a downer, but some stuff is better out than festering within the heart. Thanks again.
Gerry Capt Jack
Gerald Walsh
author comment