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Dead Lover’s Lament

If you should look for me one day
and find that I have gone,
please don't be to mad at me,
for my not staying on.
You should know that had it been,
a choice for me to make,
a thousand lifetimes more with you,
would I choose to take.
There are so many things undone,
that bid me not to leave.
And with the thought of missing you,
know I will also grieve.

So say a last goodnight to me,
tucked in my final bed.
A blanket green pulled up for me,
upon my sleeping head.
And in your tears do please forgive,
this running out on you,
that leaves you now in pondering,
what you are going to do.
God will help you through this time,
which you alone must face.
These horrible days will quickly pass
through His out pouring grace.

Someday you will not look for me,
or call out in the night.
With passing time your cloudy days,
will once again be bright.
And don't be disappointed when,
my face you can't recall.
Forgetting not the person is
what matters after all.
I have no doubt a love like ours,
not even this can kill.
The heart within this spirit freed,
does truly love you still.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


The first lines remind me of Bo Peep who lost ger sheep and doesn't know where to find them..
Well if they are lost would you know where to find them?
As with your first lines there is no way you can find someone that is gone lol as there would be no need to look..
If you should look for me one day
and find that I have gone,
Just a little change, the rest seems to be well written and read well to me, keep writing,
Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Nothing to suggest - but I agree with eph there - horrid flows slightly better.

I really like this write - it could be just the mood I'm in atm lol... but it touched my heart

love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

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