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Take The Trip?
My train has already left the station, but
for some strange reason I’m still standing on the platform waiting.
I don’t know if I can handle another journey or
at least the station stops in between.
You say the scenery along the way will be worth the trip.
But can I cope with those long dark tunnels?
Or do I even want to.
And I’d hate to start the journey just to get my
ticket punched half way through.
Maybe I should just let my hobo heart hop
the first fast freight out of here.
Where’s that damn gnome when you need him?
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
wesley snow
Sat, 2014-02-15 15:48
Damn Gnome.
Very good.
I apologize for not having read your poetry until now.
I'll be honest and say I don't much care for verso libre, but the rhythm (meter) is so clean I enjoyed reading it.
W. H. Snow
A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley
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