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Like You Thought I Never Would

I hope you wonder
If I'm thinking of you
I'll bet you're thinking
I've got nothing to do

But boy, just hold on
I've got a newsflash
You're not in my head
I can't feel the backlash

I hope you're home alone
Thinking of the situation
But I'm not here to fight
Or start an altercation

And I ripped that picture
Tore it down the middle
I feel like Rome is burning
I'm Nero playing the fiddle

I really hope you blame me
Say that it all just isn't fair
But boy, you have to recall
You're the reason I can't care

You broke me, shattered me
In a way nobody ever should
But now, I'm moving on like
You thought I never would

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively uses a conversational tone to convey a sense of personal experience and emotion. The use of direct address ("boy") makes the poem feel intimate and immediate, as if the speaker is directly addressing the person they're speaking about.

The poem's structure is consistent, with four-line stanzas and a generally regular rhythm. This gives the poem a sense of stability and coherence. However, the rhyme scheme is somewhat inconsistent, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, the first stanza uses an AABB rhyme scheme, while the second stanza uses an ABAB rhyme scheme. Consistency in the rhyme scheme could help to enhance the poem's musicality and flow.

The use of imagery in the poem is effective, particularly in the line "I feel like Rome is burning / I'm Nero playing the fiddle." This allusion to the historical figure of Nero and the fall of Rome adds depth to the poem and conveys a sense of dramatic intensity.

The poem's theme of moving on from a broken relationship is clearly communicated. However, the speaker's emotions could be explored in more depth. For example, the poem could delve more into the speaker's process of healing and self-discovery, rather than focusing primarily on their feelings towards the other person.

In terms of language, the poem is generally clear and accessible. However, some of the phrasing is a bit clichéd, such as "You broke me, shattered me." Using more original and specific language could help to make the poem more distinctive and emotionally resonant.

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"Thou protest too much!"
Simple and got the message across.
You have the rhythm pretty much down, except a couple of places.
If you read it aloud, you will see them right away, since this depends mostly
on rhythm, to carry the idea, and not music in general.
Never be afraid to add or subtract a word or syllable, if it will still provide the information you want to.
Sometimes, just a hint of the sound can bring the proper response. Keep working at it, nice stuff!
~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thank you so much!!! I noticed those little patches and I'm going to fix them as soon as I can. Thanks for the advice!!!

author comment

nice little poem...it takes me back... a memory similar.

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you!!! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

author comment
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